Convince Me

New Job, New House, New Life

2011-08-07T16:42:00.000-04:00

So I've been asked to write. First the bizarre: when logging into my blogspot account, my backup email showed up as my name and my former fiance's last name @ cablecompany.com. I don't remember ever setting up that account.

But anyway, how's the new living?

Driving cross-country was amazing. I was worried about the stress, but I loved it. We settled in at my parents' house, and took the summer off.

Living at my parents' place was great. Yes, we were squished into two rooms, but I really loved living there. Good company, good food, comfortable living.

So lived there, eh? Yup, two weeks ago we closed on our first house. We tried out a few realtors, ended up going with a recommendation from my boss, and she bent over backwards for us. We made an offer on a house on our first day together, and we accepted the counteroffer the next day. The closing took forever, but we got a great house for a green-with-envy price and the lowest interest rate I've heard of. The best thing I ever did was join the military. About 13 years after joining, my military service enabled us to do something I never thought I'd be able to do- buy a house. Thanks VA loan.

Because this is mostly anonymous, I'll chat about my husband a bit (if you're reading, Dad, just keep in mind that you're one of the only readers that knows me- so I can vent). We've had a tough couple of years. He was unmotivated on the job front and is horrible when it comes to financial responsibility. I will say that buying a house has mostly been good for him. He still thinks I can pay all the bills by myself, but he's motivated to work on the house. More than I can say for myself. I sit around and watch HGTV.

And my job. I'm not happy. These are the most difficult kids I've ever worked with. My Algebra kids don't do anything. My eighth graders are up and down, and my seventh graders can't stay quiet for more than 10 seconds. I've never had behavior management problems, but I do this year. Luckily, my principal has only seen good lessons. Speaking of principals, the administration is amazing.

Adoption

2011-08-07T16:41:00.002-04:00

I'm blogging about adoption back at my adoption blog, Not Mother.

I Got a Job!

2010-05-01T22:58:00.003-04:00

Last week, I went to Arizona hoping for some interviews. I had planned the trip months before, but almost canceled because my job search had yielded nothing. It didn't seem worth it to spend the money with nothing lined up.

That Monday, I got two calls to set up interviews. I had my suit all ready to go.

I had the first one on Friday. I knew it went well when they set up my second interview right then. The principal was at the NCTM conference so they were waiting for her to get back. I'm so glad I took a personal day on Monday to save money because that was my only opportunity for a second interview.

This time, there were four kids and three adults. I was so nervous after. Did I say something wrong? Did I relate to the kids well enough?

My flight left that afternoon. I was so overwhelmed on the flight, playing the interview over and over in my mind wondering if I'd screwed up.

When I landed at 12:30AM, I had a message on my phone that they wanted to offer me the job.

I called Tuesday while someone watched my students, but got voicemail. I broke the rules by leaving my cellphone on and she called back about 5 minutes later. I shushed my students to take the call. I had already decided I was going to take it no matter what the pay was, but I could tell she was nervous about telling me the salary. The thing is, the other school I interviewed with told me such a low salary that I was prepared for the worst. The salary still sucks (though not as bad as the other place), but they're going to add a stipend for me to do curriculum work.

She cheered when I said I'd take it.

So far they've emailed me every day asking what I'd like them to buy. I asked for some manipulatives. They're looking at some intervention programs, but I'm having a hard time saying yes. I hate spending other people's money. I finally sent an email on Friday with a definitive answer.

They are already taking my input so seriously that I'm a little nervous. I can't work miracles though I'll certainly try. They said the kids are really low (25% pass rate on the state exam and Arizona is 48th in the country on national exams).

They also said that the teachers' biggest complaint is discipline. I guess the kids there will actually swear at teachers. I know this is common at other schools, but it doesn't happen at my school. Kids sometimes swear, but never at a teacher. I'm already reading some classroom management books even though I've never really had a problem (until this year, but that's a whole other story.)

I'm really excited about the opportunity to help them improve their math program even though I'm very nervous.

But mostly I'm thrilled to be moving with a job in place, and I'm thrilled to have found a job in a school that I actually feel excited about even if they might have unrealistic expectations about what I can do.

I got another call for an interview when I got home, and it felt good to say I had accepted an offer at another school.

Wedding Weekend

2009-03-24T15:23:00.002-04:00

The pre-wedding:

I got a manicure and pedicure from an amazing girl. The pedicure was decided last minute and was great. I'd never had either so it was a nice treat. I was so happy that my nails made it up to the manicure.

Rehearsal Dinner:

It was a success. Other than the odd fact that my parents were not seated at the main table with us, everyone had fun. The food was delicious. My daughter, having declared that the flower girl should be seated next to the bride, spent a good portion of the night sharing a chair with my sister and I.

The wedding:

Despiter my fears, my hair and makeup came out perfect. We enjoyed mimosas while we got ready. I left my veil at the hotel, but my sister's boyfriend went to get it. We arrived at the Country Club and had more mimosas. My sweetie's mom showed up really late, delaying our pictures by quite a bit. Finally, I got ready. I had to wait a bit for everyone to gather at the bottom of the stairs so that I could make a proper entrance. We were taking the pictures before the ceremony, but I wanted to have a special entrance before the pictures.

My daughter and my sister looked amazing.

The weather cooperated. Despite freezing rain in the middle of the week, the day was warm enough to take pictures outside. Although my fiance hated the photographer when we first met him, he fell in love with him that day. The photographer was terrific.

I waited upstairs to begin.

The ceremony began and went off beautifully. Although we had bought a video camera, my fiance's brother had left it in the car. I looked around and noticed no one was videotaping. I almost stopped the cremony and wish I would have. Luckily, my niece took some video with her camera. I watched it today (my friend made sure to get it copied by the photographer right then and there) and my niece had filmed our vows. I cried when watching it. Though I was disappointed not to get the whole thing, I felt a lot better knowing she got the important part. During the vows I got teary. W held hands through the whole ceremony. Later everyone said they wanted to marry him because of the way he looked at me the whole time.

We mingled during the cocktail hour while one of the staff followed us around the whole time with a tray of hors d'ouevres.

I delayed the introductions because I found out the camera was still in the car. I started crying again, this time because I couldn't believe that after the ceremony mishap, the brother messed up again. The staff took care of it and then my sister made sure that she captured the rest of the important moments.

The food was great. I wasn't nervous. Everyone was terrific. At the last minute, I sang for him. We danced and made merry. My junior high friend took me out on the dance floor twice to spin me around.

A lot of people left early, but plenty stayed. It was a little weird celebrating during the daytime. It made the party atmosphere a little less so, but I had plenty of fun.

After the wedding, we went to our favorite little place in Providence with my sister and his brother.

Then we checked into our hotel, courtesy of my sister.

Our two days were wonderful. Last night we treated ourselves to room service- champagne and strawberries. We also had our first married fight that day, but we lived.

Obama at School

2008-11-06T16:21:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I showed McCain and Obama's speeches in my math class. I thought it was really important for my kids to see them. Some of the kids were clearly uninterested, but many were really engaged. The kids had a lot of great questions and comments.

One class in particular really got into it. They were clapping and cheering during Obama's speech. One girl kept saying how much she wished she could have been there. She also mentioned how nice it was that the Obama rally was so "colorful".

I'm glad I showed the speeches.

On the flip side, there are a few staff mothers that have major issues about how race is being handled. Comments like these:

"He's not even black or African-American. Why are they calling him that? He's not. We don't say he's white."

"Who was he raised by? His WHITE mother and his WHITE grandparents. And where was his dad- back in Kenya."

"You can tell who he's talking to because he changes how he speaks depending on his audience."

"Everyone's saying it's not about race, but all the black people voted for him because he's black, so it IS all about race."

I get what they're saying, but for me it just shows that so many people still don't get it.

What bothers me the most is the assertion that he doesn't deserve the title of African-American. First of all, Obama has the right to classify himself however he wants, though I suspect it's more the media making the decision than him. Yes, it is more accurate to say biracial, but would we make the same argument about any other group? If your mom is hispanic and your dad is not, does that mean you can't call yourself hispanic? How about Native American? How about Irish? French? Portuguese? Seriously, is it necessary to argue that point? When Obama is a stranger out on the street, do you think anyone would say he's biracial? No, they'd call him a black man because in his case it's not obvious that he is biracial (and even if it were, there are plenty of folks, especially the racist ones, that would just call him black). Finally, I can't think of a better description for him than African-American. He literally had an African father and an American mother.

/end rant

Politics

2008-10-31T16:11:00.002-04:00

Things I did in my math class this week:

1. Taught how the electoral college works.
2. Taught a voting rights timeline and had the kids create their own.
3. Showed a movie about the civil rights movie called "Free at Last"
4. Graphed lots and lots of voting data.
5. Colored in an electoral map with current polling data.

Monday we'll be creating a circle graph of current strong dem, strong rep, weak dem, etc.

I purposely keep my own views out of it, but I'm thrilled to see my students sporting Obama pins and putting pictures of him in their binders.

Please, please, please let it be Obama!

Presidential Debates

2008-10-07T21:58:00.001-04:00

If McCain says "my friends" one more time, I might scream.

In other news, neither is standing out to me as better even though I support Obama.

Visit

2008-09-28T13:49:00.002-04:00

Friday night: Drive in pouring rain. Get there at 8:30ish

Sleep

Saturday: gymnastics (cool), swim (cut short due to crying), McDonald's, flower girl dress trying on and buying (she told the lady she had two moms).

Saturday night: babysitting- pizza party, High School Musical, Wii, and random breaking down in tears, much of it about missing her mom (that was fun), snuggling her to sleep because she wanted me to stay with her.

Sunday: more driving, less rain

Wedding Update

2008-09-23T06:29:00.002-04:00

Booked the reception.

Booked the cake.

Bought the dress.

Bought the veil.

Picked the flowers.

Have someone working on the invitations.

Meeting a photographer next Monday.

Aunt knows a JP.

All we need is a DJ.

Oh, and some rings. :)

Birthday Visit

2008-09-23T05:30:00.000-04:00

For the first time since my daughter was born, I missed her birthday party.

I planned to go, but decided the morning of that I just couldn't cram it in to an already packed weekend.

I felt awful.

I missed the birthday during the year when she's obsessed with me.

My fiance wants to move across the country next summer so this was probably the last birthday party I could attend.

It was rough.

The silver lining is that I'll be going there this weekend and staying from Friday to Sunday.

Today

2008-09-04T20:35:00.001-04:00

It's my daughter's birthday today.

I just got home and realized I hadn't called. Now it's too late to call.

I Have No Words

2008-08-27T05:28:00.002-04:00

Just as I climbed into bed last night, my phone rang.

It was fairly early. I figured it was my stepmom calling about wedding stuff. We have a three hour time difference.

It was my daughter.

They're on vacation in Hawaii right now.

I asked her what she was doing in Hawaii.

"Crying because I'm missing you."

Wedding Update

2008-08-24T09:04:00.002-04:00

I bought my dress!!!!!

There are two dress shops in my city that are about a block apart. My friend and I went to one. I found a dress that I really liked- the first one I tried.

We weren't going to go to the second store, but we decided to give it a shot. Once there, both of us were tempted to walk out. I was especially put off when they asked for all my information before I even looked at a single dress.

I had seen a dress online that I liked and had described it too my friend at some point. I didn't bother mentioning it to either store because the dress I liked had blue trim and a blue ribbon to lace up the back. I doubted either store had it.

Well, my friend found it at that second store (later I discovered that it wasn't really the same dress I saw online).

I wasn't sure I'd like it. After trying on several dresses at the other store, I had an idea of what styles looked good on me and this dress didn't look like it would.

The lady took me into the big dressing room and laced it up tight.

It was perfect! I felt beautiful. My friend commented that the look on my face was so different from my look in the other dresses I tried.

I'm so excited!

FitDay

2008-08-24T08:57:00.004-04:00

A while back, I signed up for FitDay.

I only lasted about a week.

I've been exercising just about every day since July 1 and watching what I eat. I've gained 10 lbs, and no, it isn't muscle.

I decided to go back to FitDay.

I finally figured out what I was doing wrong in the program.

If I don't enter in my sleeping and sitting, FitDay automatically records me as working for all the hours I don't log as exercise. Yikes! No wonder it says I'm burning a ton of calories.

Right now, I'm trying to figure out a way to save my typical day and just add in the activity. Maybe I have to put my job as sitting and then add in standing time?

It's enough of a pain to log all my food, I don't want to have to log in every hour of what I'm doing.

Oh, and typing isn't one of the choices. :)

Update: I changed my lifestyle to seated, some movement. I found typing. I also found where I can add in my work later. Much better. I still have to add sleep though.

Please Explain

2008-08-17T07:25:00.002-04:00

Why does every reception site have a hideous carpet?

Is a hardwood floor throughout so much to ask for?

Wouldn't a hardwood floor be easier to clean?

Seriously, who wants an ugly carpet as a backdrop to their wedding?

On a side note, I want a bridal suite with its own bathroom. How else can the bride use the facilities on her special day? Undress out in the hallway first? If a bride can barely fit in a car, how does she fit in a bathroom stall?

Out-of-Town Guests

2008-08-15T07:41:00.002-04:00

Originally, my fiance and I said we'd get married next August. Plenty of time to plan. Stress-free time for me.

But then he decided that not only did he not want to wait so long, but that he also wanted to move across the country.

Because I'm a teacher, I can only move in the summer. Because the housing market changes so much, we should move next summer.

So we want to move the wedding up.

It seemed simple until I started talking to the important people in my life.

My father and stepmom, my closest sister, my mother, my favorite uncle, my daughter and her family, and my fiance's brother all have to do a significant amount of traveling to come to our wedding.

We're planning to have his brother and my sister be our only attendants. It's pretty important that they be able to make the wedding. It's also pretty important to have my parents there. Luckily, my daughter's family said their schedule is open. I am worried about everyone else though.

Plus, it may be harder to book stuff for earlier in the year so we kind of need to be able to be flexible.

I'm a bit stressed about it all and really wish I had some family here to help out with all this stuff.

Engagement Details

2008-08-15T06:55:00.002-04:00

My boyfriend planned a super fancy dinner on Saturday night.

He had a friend who worked there so he had it all arranged ahead of time.

We got all dressed up, were escorted to a corner booth, and were started off with a complimentary appetizer.

We ordered wine and dinner. The food was the most amazing food either of us have ever had.

After dinner, my boyfriend got all sappy with me, came over, got down on one knee, and proposed.

I said yes and started crying. :)

They brought us champagne.

My boyfriend moved over to sit next to me. The staff all congratulated us.

They then brought us coffee and a dessert platter that had a little bit of every dessert they had.

We're loving being engaged and planning to get married as soon as possible.

Increase Drop Rate Please

2008-08-13T14:17:00.004-04:00

Read post #921 on this thread:

(trust me, nothing will make sense without it), then add:

12:00:

Wait.......

12:40:

Site goes up.

errorerrorerrorerrorerror (actually it just kept sending me to the same page over and over and over)

5 min in says sold out.

Forums say it still works, the sold out is an error....

Keep trying....get tickets in cart several times...get stuck a few times....lost tickets in cart....

4:30 PM:

Blizzard posts that tickets were sold out in minutes. A small batch of remaining tickets will be on sale at 8.

I go to bed because it's 8 PDT, not my time.

Today, the updates from Blizzard have been removed from the website and forums except for the sold out one and the angry threads are being deleted....

Yawn.

Nice recap here.

Weeeee!

2008-08-11T21:31:00.000-04:00

I'm engaged!

Tough Decision

2008-08-01T14:45:00.003-04:00

I canceled my visit with my daughter this weekend.

It was a very tough decision.

My grandfather is in the hospital in critical care. Right now it's day to day. My sister is flying in tonight from across the country.

I had planned to go anyway because it's not like there is anything I can do about it just by staying home. Plus, my daughter is really focused on me these days and I don't know how she'll take it.

The thing is my daughter's birthmother obsession is part of why I don't want to go. I just don't think I could handle all her current questions and comments with my grandfather on my mind. On the other hand, it's quite possible that a fun day with my daughter would be just what I need.

For me the biggest thing was that I'd hate to be four hours away visiting with them and get a call that my grandfather didn't make it.

I just hope my daughter doesn't react badly.

Edit: My grandfather came home from the hospital on Tuesday, August 12! Yay!

My New Classroom

2008-07-28T08:44:00.002-04:00

I've been visiting my new classroom this summer.

There is no way I'll be able to fit an entire class in there.

Even if I get rid of every bit of other furniture (like my desk and the bookcases), I won't fit them.

To make it worse, I got approved for a Smartboard but if I can't fit kids, I'm not likely to fit a Smartboard.

While I'm excited about the changes in my job, I'm horribly disappointed about my classroom.

My other room was too crowded, but this one is worse.

The best classroom I've ever had? A sectioned off portion of the cafeteria. Seriously. It was awesome, and I was allowed to paint the walls a different color.

Siblings

2008-07-22T10:17:00.002-04:00

My daughter's birthfather has a son from a previous relationship.

Lately my daughter is asking questions about that and is wanting to meet her brother.

I've had no luck contacting her birthfather in months, but I emailed again asking him to send some recent pictures. He's never been willing to send anything I've asked for, but hopefully for our daughter's sake he will this time.

Her mom said the lifebook I made her has helped a lot.

I just feel so sad for her.

My NYC visit

2008-07-15T20:51:00.002-04:00

I saw my daughter again this weekend because her parents got me tickets to see Wicked on Broadway.

Most of the time was spent away from her, but I did get some time with her.

Right now she's really testing her boundaries in a disciplinary way and I have to say that my boyfriend and I were overwhelmed.

On another note, one notable comment from her: "You should have paid for [my daycare] because you're my real mom."

She also said she should have a sleepover at my house. Maybe it will happen.

She's really struggling with the real mom thing. I don't feel up to writing more about it, but there is a bunch going on in my head about that.

Anyway, we went to a local farm on Sunday. They were having a special event with lots of activities so it was fun.

We're going back again in two more weeks for the annual trip to the pool. They were hoping we'd have our suits this weekend, but we didn't. I'm glad because our trip to the city was exhausting and we barely got through the visiting on Sunday.

With all these visits, I'm feeling quite spoiled this summer.

Smoking

2008-07-01T09:25:00.002-04:00

Today I am starting to quit smoking.

Awhile ago, I picked July 1st as my start date. Originally I was going o quit cold turkey until I realized that it probably wouldn't work for me. I went without my first cigarette of the day. I did have my usual second (but my first today).

I'm setting my alarm for every four hours. That's about the longest I can go before I go crazy and will cut me down to about a fifth of what I normally smoke. I'll work on increasing the hours in between. It feels better knowing there is another cigarette in my future.

My boyfriend is prepared to support me whether I succeed or fail. He knows how hard it is, especially the first try.

I know it's a lame motivation, but my big issue is that I'm tired of both me and my car smelling like smoke.

My second reason is that I'm 31 and I don't want to develop smoker's face.

I'm working on how to keep myself occupied during my trigger times.

Some of my ideas:

1. Brush my teeth.
2. Do some brief exercise.
3. Watch a YouTube video.
4. Blog. :)
5. Spend five minutes doing some sort of cleaning around the house.

The idea is that I need some sort of break. That's what having a cigarette is for me- a break from what I'm doing. The only time that's different is in the morning and when I'm driving. Those will be the hardest. In the morning, I make up for a night without cigarettes, puntcuating each cup of coffe with a cigarette. During a drive, smoking gives me something to do while passing the time. Right now I'm going to go clean out my car to try to get some of the smell and ash out to help motivate me.

I could use all the support I can get.

My Visit

2008-07-01T09:09:00.002-04:00

Right now my daughter is going through a birthmother obsession.

I get phone calls calling me Miss Birthmother. She tells her mom she can't talk o me because I'm her birthmother.

Pre=party, my daughter explained adoption to me very matter-of-factly using her own story, and told me about her explanation to a friend.

Her mom prepared me before the guests arrived.

I helped get things ready and bring things out.

The first guest arrived. My daughter ran over: "Do you want to meet my birthmother?"

Her mom said my daughter thinks it's cool that she gets to see me.

The party was mildly awkward.

Like her birthday, I got the , "Which kid is yours?" Because my daughter was being open, I had to say "I'm little Poor_Statue's birthmother." The response: "Interesting."

For the water balloon toss, my daughter insisted that I be her partner: "My birthmother is my partner." Most of the time she was focused on her friends, but this was the first event during which she invited me into her play.

At one point, one of the dads asked me what a birthmother was so I told him. He then asked if I'd seen Baby Mama. There was also a brief discussion of Juno after which a different dad said that the only negative was how they made it all seem so easy.

Later the same dad approached me to tell me how well I handled the other dad. He thought it was insensitive and stupid to ask what a birthmother was. We spoke for a bit. He was really nice to me.

I liked all the dads more than the moms, but overall the party was a good one. It didn't wrap up until 11 at night.

During the party, my daughter's mom spoke to me privately. She got all teary eyed as she talked about how much she loves that we are family and how much it means to her and my daughter that I was there that day.

The following day was uneventful. We ate breakfast. We went shopping for a new bike. My daughter told me I had to stay until lunch time. I did. I made the long ride home. This time I was grumpy instead of sad. It lasted all night. I'm not sure why that was the response.

I wonder how long his phase will last.

Kindergarten

2008-06-21T07:24:00.001-04:00

My daughter finished kindergarten this year. I can't believe how old she's getting. I don't want her to grow up.

Her last few messages and calls were all about when I was coming. I love that she asks me to visit and tells me she misses me and sends me kisses over the phone.

We're heading there his weekend for hr end of kindergarten party.

I can't wait to see her.

My Nightmare Parent

2008-05-30T05:46:00.002-04:00

It hasn't ended. My nasty parent is at it again. It's causing me a great deal of stress right now.

Since that sudden decline, her daughter is back to getting perfect scores on her daily work. She is clearly being more careful again.

I passed back work again and made sure the student took home her folder to show mom. One of the new grades was a quiz. The child got two wrong, scoring an 88.

Her mother had her redo it.

The next day before the student even entered my classroom. she held the paper up asking, "Is this right?" I told her I wasn't going to look at it then.

I'm not sure who emailed who first, but I emailed her mother reminding her of the policy I explained to her in April: I don't regrade work unless I make arrangements with the child. I also described how her daughter had approached me, which wasn't to ask for extra help. I also refused to send the folder home again.

The mother sent me an email stating that I'd proven to her that I wouldn't help her daughter, and that she would seek help elsewhere.

She came in after school looking for me and asked for a copy of the quiz. I sent it home the next day.

I found out Wednesday that she complained to the principal again. I kenew she would. He didn't share what he said, but told me he wasn't planning to do anything this late in the year.

Yesterday, the executive director came to speak with me. The mother sent him a letter asking that her daughter not be in my class next year because I refused to help her daughter.

Of course I had already made sure that her daughter wouldn't be in my class.

Still, I'm upset that it has gone this far and I'm worried that her mom will use her smooth talking with him. I did send him a written report of all of our interactions (though I realized this morning that I left a few things out), but I'm afraid he will only see the bit of recent stubbornness on my part.

I just couldn't let this mother bully me. I know she had her daughter redo the quiz just because I'd told her that I don't regrade work and then she could say I refused to help. When I told her that I generally don't regrade work the first time she had her daughter redo work, she told me I was refusing to help and that I didn't care about her daughter. She tried to say the same at our meeting, but couldn't because I did stay after with her daughter.

If I went over every question for every kid who didn't score 100, I would never teach. I told the executive director that though I realized that it was only one question and wouldn't take much time, I felt like the mother was purposely testing my policy. I also admitted that I did tell the mother that I wasn't concerned about two questions because the daughter had done so well.

I'm a wreck over this. I'm trying not to let it bother me, but I'm barely holding it together.

Mother's Day

2008-05-24T09:14:00.002-04:00

We spent Mother's Day at my boyfriend's parents house with lots of Mother's. Every one of them told me "Happy Mother's Day" as we hugged. It was awesome, They are also starting to be more open about talking about motherhood with me and including my motherhood as much as their own. I feel blessed to have become a part of a family that does that.

Just yesterday we had a long conversation about learning to read and it was nice to share stories about how my daughter was learning to read.

I love open adoption.

Open Adoption

2008-05-24T09:09:00.002-04:00

I was talking about adoption at a recent counseling appointment when my counselor shared that she knew a woman who grew up in an open adoption. The woman maintained very close relationships with both her moms, something supported by her adoptive mom even as the woman became somewhat closer to her firstmom. She described the woman who was adopted as well-adjusted and really happy about her situation.

I forget where they all originated, but it was so nice to hear about an adult who grew up in an open adoption and how beautifully it turned out.

In related news, my daughter and her family are currently visiting with my mom in Florida. I love that they make time for that on their yearly trip there.

The Perfect Party

2008-05-18T09:49:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I had a perfect party.

Other than my annual Christmas thing, I rarely have people over. Those who know me were surprised I was having a party.

Today is the official graduation for our Master's program. A group of us did the whole two-year program together, off-campus. Most of us chose not to attend graduation for that reason.

It didn't feel right to not have a celebration at all.

So I decided to have everyone over my place.

I was going to order food, but ended up making everything. My sweetie also helped. We found graduation platters at the grocery store which were overpriced but too perfect to pass up. I tried to get the perfect snacks to put out. I bought soda of every kind (cans this time because we never finish the bottles.

I hadn't said to RSVP, so as of yesterday I only knew of two people that were coming with their husbands. I'd said the party was at 2. I didn't really expect anyone til 3. The days leading up to it were filled with worry that no one was coming. At 3:30, when no one was there, more worry kicked in.

Finally, the first person arrived. We chatted and just when my anxiety over entertaining one kicked in, everyone else came. We had all but one of the people who did the entire program together at my house.

I had worried about space, but it turned out perfectly. The food was perfect. Some people brought desserts so I have a ton of desserts left over (and a reasonable amount of other food). The real food was eaten the most and everyone had clean plates (a good sign). The conversation flowed nicely.

I discovered that hosting was the perfect role for me because there was less pressure to be part of the conversation. I could busy myself keeping food and drink going.

Someone was thoughtful enough to bring champagne so as the party wound down, we had a toast. Within the next half hour, people left. It was the perfect amount of time.

Clean-up was easy (they were much neater than my family).

Really, I thought it was the most perfect graduation party ever. Perfect amount of people, the right amount of space, perfect mix of food, perfect atmosphere, perfect amount of time, and the right closure for what was an incredible program and a stellar group of people.

I feel incredible today.

Baby, It's Cold Outside!

2008-05-12T16:13:00.002-04:00

We've lived in our apartment since November and haven't turned on the heat in all that time....until today.

So much for spring.

My classroom was so cold all day. I had on winter clothes and I still feel like an icicle.

So I came home as soon as I could, got a hot coffee, turned on the heat, and put on my warmest clothes.

I can't wait to warm up.

On Mom-ness

2008-05-11T15:31:00.002-04:00

A comment from a relative:

"You know I've never thought to send a Mother's Day card to [daughter's mom], isn't that awful? She is the mom now."

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there.

The Tough Stuff

2008-05-08T17:09:00.002-04:00

I talked to my daughter on Sunday. She wasn't very chatty, but it's always nice to get to talk to her.

As she handed the phone off to her mom, she said to her mom: "She's supposed to be my mom."

Ouch. I'm sure that one stung.

In other news, I handmade mother's day cards for my daughter's mom and grandmother this year and they were both thrilled with them.

The Parent I Have No Patience For

2008-05-05T17:27:00.002-04:00

Like many teachers, I keep all student work on file. Students may sign out their folders for one night. At the end of the term, after report cards, I send all the work home from that term.

The Wednesday before school vacation, I had a B student approach me with a stack of work her parents had made her redo from the previous trimester expecting me to correct it.

I spoke to the mother and explained my policy (no redos unless I approve it), asked that she not do it again, but agreed to do it. She wanted immediately, but I told her I wouldn't have it until after vacation.

Over vacation, as I corrected work, I noticed that this student had suddenly stopped doing well on our daily reviews. On the Monday we returned, I sent a note home to mom letting her know the corrections were fine, but that I was concerned about some recent low grades. I mentioned that it appeared to be an issue with reading the directions carefully and asked that she reinforce this at home. I also sent the folder home for the night for her to look at and arranged to stay after with the kid for extra help.

That Wednesday, I got an email from mom wanting to meet with me. I suggested the afternoon that I'd be staying with her daughter (the following Monday). When mom said she wanted to meet sooner, I explained that I wasn't available sooner. She then called and decided to grill me about my schedule including a sarcastic comment : "Well, don't you get a lunch." When I didn't budge, she agreed to Monday. She then called the principal to complain that I couldn't meet sooner AND sent in copies of all the child's work asking him to look it over.

The principal and I met with her. She, of course, was sweet as pie, but while I kept my composure, I could not extend any pleasantries. She said that my note and actions made her think I was dismissing the issue though she admitted that my note said I was concerned. It took everything I had not to respond with how much I had gone out of my way for her and how offended I was by her phone call.

I can normally get over it and make nice, but in this case, the mother has left such a bad taste in my mouth that I can't stand it.

She claims she's never had a teacher who couldn't meet with her the same day. I told her I've never had a parent who expected me to meet the same day and reiterated that I really was unavailable earlier. I also told her that I didn't like the suggestion that I was lying to her about my schedule.

I basically did everything that I could possibly be expected to do, and she claims I was dismissing the issue. I can't wait til I no longer have to deal with her because I don't think I could stand anymore of her rudeness and demanding attitude or her constant suggestions that I don't care about her child's progress (that's what she uses to get her way).

Ugh, ugh, ugh. Can you tell I'm really mad about this?

My Career

2008-05-03T08:04:00.003-04:00

Internet, please send good thoughts my way!

I want to be some sort of math leader: math coach, curriculum director, department head, math leader, instructional specialist- I don't care what it's called. I want time to do research and support teachers.

We're expecting an upcoming larger class size. We currently have 75 students per grade level and are expecting 100. This causes a huge problem in a small school with only one content area teacher per grade level. For the past two years, I've been working on a plan to restructure the school in order to accommodate this change.

I've been meeting regularly with the curriculum director to review my ideas. At first, she was confident, but recently the school decided to make some other very big changes at our elementary site, causing some major budget issues. It looked like none of my proposals would be accepted.

Despite this, our executive director was willing to hear my ideas. We originally set up a meeting for next Wednesday, but on Thursday he told me it couldn't wait, so the meeting was rescheduled for yesterday.

I had solved our English/ Social studies problem but had more elegantly solved our math problem (science isn't an issue). Yesterday afternoon, the curriculum director brought another teacher my way who had come up with a more elegant solution for the English/ Social Studies issue. She, too, had some personal reasons to be invested. She's new this year, but is absolutely incredible and committed and exciting. We combined our ideas and I invited her to the meeting.

The meeting lasted more than two hours.

At first he dismissed our plans, disappointing both of us. He was especially concerned about my math solution because there was no room in the budget for what I wanted to do. Then he shared what he had come up with, but as we did the numbers together, it didn't work.

I re-proposed our idea, telling him I thought the numbers worked for both students and teachers.

We started to do the numbers for it, and from a preliminary look, it seemed feasible (there is a space issue though). It did require some adjustments to my part in all this, but I was pleased with the results. I'd end up teaching two advanced classes and possibly one heterogeneous group. So I'd have a half day of teaching and a half day of doing everything else I want to do. My number of students wouldn't change because right now I teach six half classes and I'd move up to three full classes, but I'm okay with that. It also leaves some extra periods for the other teacher so she can do all of her cool things.

He's going to recheck the numbers over the weekend and try to figure out the space issue. We meet again next Wednesday to find out the results.

I really hope it works out.

Yippee!!!!!

2008-05-01T21:47:00.001-04:00

Dear Internet,

As of 7:15 this evening, I am officially finished with my Master's degree program. It feels amazing!

Sincerely,

Poor_Statue

Come Over Anytime

2008-04-30T20:27:00.002-04:00

My boyfriend's cousin came over.

He just cleaned our kitchen despite my protests.

I'm having an incredibly stressful and busy week.

It was much appreciated!

Children of Men

2008-04-26T21:14:00.002-04:00

Wow!

Dark: yes.

Gripping: yes.

Sucks you in completely: yes.

I thought it was incredible, yet horrifying.

My favorite scene: When all the people and soldiers made a path for the girl.

Almost There!

2008-04-26T08:40:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I finished the last of my big projects, including an invitation to a graduation party at my house.

My professor is coming to observe me Wednesday so I need to write a lesson plan for that, but I'm otherwise done.

It feels so good to have my weekend free.

Now I just have to clean up the mess I made doing all of it.

Plus, I have something every night this week, so the stress is not quite done yet.

But it's quite a celebration anyway.

Ruining Webber

2008-04-23T20:48:00.001-04:00

I got all excited about Andrew Lloyd Webber night on American Idol.

I was horribly disappointed.

I love musical theater- I love watching it, listening to it, and singing it. Andrew Lloyd Webber is probably my favorite musical theater composer.

The contestants ruined the songs. I thought Syesha was the only one to do it justice (and if I didn't hate her so much, I'd give a little nod to Carly).

For the first time, watching AI was a complete waste of my time.

Yuck!

Yippee!

2008-04-23T17:19:00.002-04:00

I've been working incredibly hard during the past two weeks trying to get all my final projects done for the end of my Master's program.

As of this moment I'm one table of contents, one three page summary, and one lesson plan and observation away from being finished.

It just finished creating my 90 page portfolio.

It feels so good to be this close.

Personal Goals Update

2008-04-22T14:14:00.003-04:00

For the first time, I set some goals for myself for the new year. I thought it was time for a check-in to see how I'm doing.

My goals and progress:

1. I want to get back to exercising.
I've been exercising regularly for the past month. Sadly, I've gained weight rather than lost, but after investing in an elliptical trainer, I intend to keep it up and get my momey's worth.

2. I do not want to buy a single article of clothing!
I've bought three things (a huge improvement): a pair of jeans when I lost weight, sweatshirts, and an appropriate dressy outfit for an event. I've certainly looked and lusted, but I haven't bought anything else. It's the hardest right now with the weather changing and all the newest clothes in stores, but I switched out my winter and summer clothes so it's almost like getting a new wardrobe.

3. I want to write an article for Dawn every week.
I've only written twice. Maybe this summer?

4. I want to purge.
I've organized the basement. I've gotten rid of pretty much an entire wardrobe, but I still have a long way to go. Hopefully this will be another summer project.

5. Part of my plan to get rid of stuff is to actually get back to scrapbooking.
I started organizing my photos, and I bought a tray table to set up shop, but I've done nothing else. I'm not really upset about this considering that I'm finishing my Master's right now. I have very little extra time for such a big project. I did reorganize my supplies and made them more accessible.

6. I want to transfer all of my home videos to digital files.
Done. I may have to redo a couple, but I did them all. So far I've made two movies out of them and transferred one directly to DVD. I want more time to spend on this.

7. I want to learn to let go of things.
A work in progress.

So far, not bad.

A Five Year History

2008-04-22T10:02:00.002-04:00

I need to look back on how far I've come.

Five years ago: I was still getting over the oss of my daughter and was a month into my current job. I was terrified about getting fired (after the trauma of my previous job). The kids and staff were awful to me. My lessons were full of creativity and passion. I had an awesome classroom even though it was really just a sectioned off corner of the cafeteria. I was living with my best friend, but things weren't so great.

Four years ago: I was painting and doing floors in the apartment my then fiance's dad built for us. I was already getting the signs that things weren't going to work out. My fiance had quit his job shortly after our engagement and usually spent half the day sleeping while his dad and I worked on the apartment. I was exhausted from working so hard and beginning to be poorer than I'd ever been by supporting two people instead of one.

Three years ago: I discovered by accident that my fiance had been lying to me for months. While I was asleep, he was out with another girl. He told me he was at work but the truth was that he'd quit and started sneaking around with a girl rom his other job. He continued to lie about all of it until I found proof and he couldn't lie. I started saving up to move out. I was about to sign up for my Master's program but put it on hold because I couldn't afford it.

Two years ago: I was getting ready to (finally) move out into my own place. I had rediscovered what it was like to have friends and people who cared. I was finally realizing that I was worth more than the life I was living. I signed up for my Master's program. I moved out in June.

One year ago: My beau and I sped up our plans to move in together. He moved in in May. I was being recognized at work and school as someone who was destined for bigger things. I was seeing my daughter more often and feeling like family whenever I did. I had made some great friends and actually had them over my apartment.

Today: I'm in the most beautiful apartment I've ever lived in. I'm a month away from getting my Master's. My beau and are still blissfully happy. My daughter wants to spend more and more time with me. I'm exercising and getting healthy. I'm a leader at work- for my team, for the math program, for hiring new employees. Administrators come to me for my opinion and my help. My best friend comes by regularly to play games. I have a new and wonderful extended family courtesy of my beau.

My life is settling down quite nicely.

iTunes

2008-04-21T09:58:00.002-04:00

My iTunes is broken.

I opened it this morning and it said the file was damaged.

All the playlists are gone. I mean all the playlists, not just the ones I created, but all the default playlists too.

I tried updating the program, but it didn't fix it.

I was able to restore the library of songs. At first only a small portion of songs showed up, but I was able to add all the other stuff I've imported.

I was going to recreate my playlists by play count, but the playcount only works for the songs that originally showed up.

I use the recently added playlist all the time, but it's gone.

There is no help feature for disappearing playlists.

This is bad timing as I have a ton of work to do and I rely on my different playlists for different things (like my exercise playlist).

I have almost 6000 songs in iTunes so recreating my playlists is not a small task. Plus, I have no way of knowing if some of my CDs still didn't make it back in.

What a strange problem.

The Sweetest Phone Call

2008-04-20T20:24:00.002-04:00

I just got off the phone with my daughter.

Aside from the fact that it was a much needed chat, she was so incredibly sweet.

She started in by inviting me to come over (now!) to play games with her.

She told me about some recent happenings that I promised not to share ("I'm not telling anyone, but I'll tell you cuz you're my birthmom").

She decided she wanted me as a teacher and when I explained that I don't live near her, she said she was going to move out here so I could be her teacher.

She told me she wanted to call me first thing in the morning and that I should get up early to do so.

She gave me kisses (lots of them) over the phone and told me she loved me and that she misses me.

It was a great, great, great phone call!

My apartment

2008-04-19T16:16:00.003-04:00

Remember this?

Fluff

2008-04-19T15:54:00.001-04:00

I just wanted to note that I love AI's dreadlocked Jason Castro. My kind of guy plus my kind of music.

Don't Be Jealous!

2008-04-19T15:45:00.002-04:00

Today is going by so incredibly slowly.

Maybe it's because I've been on overdrive for a couple of weeks, but I keep looking for something else to do, then looking at the time and being rather amazed.

I didn't get up til about 9 (I've been sleeping about 12 hours every Friday night). By the time I did my coffee and computer routine, it was already 10:30.

And yet, since then, I've gone to the post office to mail packages; done dishes and cleaned all the counters; unpacked my suitcase from my trip and organized the contents; sorted, washed, and folded four loads of laundry; cleaned my car, caught up on a month's worth of three different blogs; exercised; and showered.

Plus, I've done a bit of wandering and fiddling and TV watching and smoking and reading.

And it's only quarter to 4.

I know lots of you would give a limb for a slow day like today to catch up on life, but I'm feeling a bit stir-crazy. Luckily the beau and I have two commitments tonight to get us out of the house.

I'm too tired to do some of what needs to be done, but too restless to simply waste the day away.

I am, however, about to settle in for a coffee break. I still have over two hours to fill.

Missing my Memere

2008-04-17T20:00:00.003-04:00

Today I'm missing my memere.

I did a project for one of my classes this summer and one of the sections was about the long line of strong women in my family. My memere was the inspiration for that. She was completely different from any grandmothers I have ever known. She was so funny, and so loving, and so strong.

She worked her whole life in a time when women often didn't. Until the day she died, she continued to work doing the bookkeeping for the family business.

She told amazing stories, and sang songs, and danced.

She was incredibly generous and had warm and open arms for everyone- no matter their differences- in fact, she seemed to thrive on learning about other cultures and religions.

The times at her house were always magical. They were filled with joy, laughter, and song. In her small apartment, the whole family would gather and celebrate- it was always a celebration.

She had been involved in theater for much of her life and passed that gene onto her children. The whole evening would be a performance.

A couple of years ago, we stopped having Christmas at her house. I was devastated. In the meantime, more of her children relocated so there were fewer gatherings at her home. I've missed those times.

I kept waiting for another time at my memere's. It was something I really wanted my daughter to experience. I'm so sad that that will never happen. My daughter never met my memere. By the time our relationship was strong enough for that to be a possibility, the gatherings had mostly stopped.

I'm mourning what my memere represented in our family; I'm mourning the fact that she never met my daughter, and I'm feeling guilty about how long it has been since I saw her.

Many years ago, I went to Panama. My memere was very religious and I brought back a beautiful little statue of The Last Supper to give to her. She loved it and gave it its own special place in her home.

I miss her spirit- at the funeral mass, everyone mentioned my memere's joie de vivre. It describes her so well. She lived her whole life that way. Nobody comes close to her. Even though she lived a long and beautiful life, her loss is a truly great one.

I'm Back!

2008-04-15T06:28:00.002-04:00

The trip was good though the flights were too long.

I didn't find as many must-see presentations as the last time, but I still went to a few good presentations. I definitely need to submit a proposal for next year's conference.

My colleague loved it. She's in her second year of teaching so it makes sense that she got a great deal out of it. Still, I was relieved that she did. We were also excited to discover while we were there that she passed the test I tutored her for. Yippee!

I'm completely overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to do for my graduate program in the next two weeks.

I'm also so tired that I scooped sugar into the coffee maker instead of coffee this morning.

Going Away

2008-04-09T12:23:00.000-04:00

I'm off to the annual NCTM conference in Utah. Woo-hoo!

Gifts

2008-04-06T16:26:00.002-04:00

Someone at work is leaving anonymous gifts in my box.

Little supplies with sweet notes attached.

I'm having a difficult school year- too many responsibilities, personal stuff- so the gifts are especially sweet.

Last night I was also given a sweet little birthday celebration by my sweetie's family. They also got me lots of gifts.

I feel so loved.

My Memere

2008-03-29T15:42:00.002-04:00

My memere died today.

I'm going back and forth between tears and shock.

There were no better family times than those that were held at my memere's house. They are my favorite childhood memories.

Here is a bit of her and her five children:

The house was always filled with singing.

Easter Visit

2008-03-23T18:33:00.003-04:00

I feel like I just ate for 24 hours straight! I'm stuffed, but I made it home in record time.

My sweetie came with me which means that my daughter stayed absolutely glued to him the entire time. We got a few good shots of the three of us, but my desktop is still out of service so I won't be sharing yet.

She wasn't home when we got there. Once she got home, she pretty much played with my beau all night. I don't mind. It's a lot of pressure off of me and I get to enjoy her just as much.

Last night, we had a delicious dinner and birthday cake for me (very sweet as was the drawing I got from my daughter).

Before bed, my daughter tried lifting up my beau's shirt, then lifted up her own.

Him: You shouldn't be showing people that.
Her: But you can show your birthmom cuz you're born naked and you're my birthdad.
Him: I'm not your birthdad.
Her: (turning to me) Who's my birthdad?
Me: His name is *****

This morning, she wanted to know what my beau was to her and later asked if he'd be her family if we got married.

The good news was that that was the most difficult exchange of the weekend. After the last few visits, that's nothing.

I did get some unsolicited cuddling. We went to Easter mass and she snuggled up to me a few times. At one point she laid her head on my lap and I patted her belly and she grabbed my hand to get me to keep patting. It reminded me of my pregnancy (which ended up on my mind a lot this weekend).

Overall, she cuddles up to me more when my beau is around. As for him, she doesn't leave him for a minute. He loves it.

It was a nice visit. A few weird things with her parents, but overall good.

And as a side note, she's reading pretty well and seems to enjoy the new power it gives her. She likes to try to read the things around her, but doesn't make it through many books. I'm guessing that her comprehension isn't yet good enough for her to want to read the books. She's so focused on the words that the meaning is lost. Plus, easy reader books don't have great stories as it is. She's also still saying that she doesn't like the bilingual program though her mom says otherwise. Her accent is terrific though.

My Marlboro Gift

2008-03-21T16:02:00.002-04:00

I love my birthday gifts from Marlboro. Really.

I was disappointed last year when they sent an ashtray. Usually, the gift is not smoking-related and comes with some catchy saying.

This year, I'm supposed to "Let the good times roll" with some awesome metal dice and a sweet little dice bag.

The geek in me is so thrilled.

Easter, Birthdays, and Phone Calls

2008-03-21T15:14:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow, I'll be heading out to see my daughter.

We've been playing phone tag all week, and although I returned every call, her mom still sounded annoyed when we finally got in touch last night.

It was also the first time she didn't put my daughter on the phone.

And they didn't call me for my birthday this week.

It's making me a bit unsure about the visit.

Luckily, my sweetie is coming so I'll have some moral support.

I'm sure it will be fine. I can't wait to see her.

Having the Family Over

2008-03-18T09:20:00.003-04:00

Last night went very well.

The family was impressed with the place. The conversation and food were good. Everyone left at a reasonable hour. I was surprised at how fun the conversation was.

His grandparents gave us a little housewarming card and gift which was incredibly sweet. We really love them.

I was a little on edge having everyone in my space, but it all worked out in the end and I would love to do it again.

I'm also quite pleased to have the house looking so spiffy.

Computer Update

2008-03-18T09:16:00.002-04:00

It'll probably be out for awhile. It wasn't the power supply. We'll know tonight if it's the processor or motherboard. Neither is still under warranty which means buying new parts. We're thinking it's overheating and burning up my parts so we're getting a new case with more fans. Hopefully that'll be the end of it. Of course, fixing my computer wasn't exactly in my budget, but I suppose I'll manage.

Cleaning House

2008-03-17T13:56:00.003-04:00

When my sweetie was little, his dad used to grab a flashlight to look for dust. That was his way of deciding if the house was clean enough.

If it stopped there, fine, but my beau likes to tell the story of the time his dad brought the flashlight to a relative's house. The relative was mortified.

His dad (and 8 other family members) are coming to our house tonight.

We had them over right after we moved in, secure in the knowledge that our recent move would easily excuse any mess. We haven't had them over since. The thought of dad-proofing the home was just too much.

It's amazing how previously invisible messes suddenly scream out at you when you're expecting company.

I've washed spots off the walls and floors and appliances, dusted baseboards and chair legs, vacuumed and mopped the floor, hidden all evidence of daily life (laundry, my computer projects, my schoolwork, the broom), and re-alphabetized our DVD collection.

My bathroom was the hardest part. I always keep it mostly guest-ready, but even if I sweep and scrub the floor today, it will have dust or hair on it by tomorrow. I keep scooping up stray hairs and dust bits.

I've never understood how some people's houses always manage to look perfect. Mine have always looked good, but never perfect. Who has that much energy and time?

Anyway, I hope we pass inspection. We're counting on dear old dad for some help with buying our future home. They already know I don't cook, so I have to at least be able to clean.

Oh, and I took pictures (I wasn't about to let all that hard work go to waste!) so maybe when my main computer is up and running again, I'll be able to post them.

The Would-Be Proposal

2008-03-17T12:10:00.005-04:00

Saturday morning, over a nice breakfast, my sweetie told me he'd been planning to propose to me when I graduate this May.

He was going to take us away on a little spa retreat.

Unfortunately, he also told me on Saturday that this is no longer his plan. He can't afford it, and he wants to give me another six months or so to continue focusing on getting healthy rather than adding the stress of planning a wedding.

He told me there's no doubt it'll come, but for now the plans are on hold.

I had pretty much figured out that he had planned it for then. Last August, he excitedly shared his graduation plans for me with everyone so I had guessed that that was why. It looks like now I'll have to wonder.

Workout Update

2008-03-17T11:53:00.003-04:00

When my beau and I moved last October, I had to say goodbye to my beloved treadmill. I haven't exercised since.

I sold the treadmill to a friend with a plan to buy an elliptical trainer instead (I figure it'll be quieter for the downstairs neighbors). Space, weather, and time have prevented us from making the purchase, but for my birthday tomorrow, I'm finally going to get it.

My spare room has a space cleared. The weather is nice, and I get to choose what to do for my special day.

I bought my treadmill pretty much half price at an outlet store so I was hoping to do the same for the elliptical. Unfortunately, I went by there today and neither the price nor selection fit my desires.

I've narrowed my choice to two models available locally. I tried one of them out Friday night and fell in love so I'll probably stick with that one. The downside is that it's the pricier of the two and really long when unfolded. The plus side is that my friends at The Treadmill Doctor give it a thumbs up and it does fold up to about half size. My other choice is smaller and cheaper and has better customer reviews on the store website, but it doesn't fold at all, and I didn't test it out yet for comfort.

I hope that we'll be able to purchase and put it together tomorrow so I can get started. My body is craving the exercise and I think I need just that little bit of boost to get me past the bit of a funk I've entered.

Computer Woes

2008-03-17T11:15:00.001-04:00

My computer died again. This time it doesn't turn on. (And yes, I checked all the cords.) So it's back to my laptop. Unfortunately, my sweetie just password-protected our internet so I'm on someone else's internet and it's a bit slow. It's nice to live in an apartment complex though so I at least have internet.

Let's hope my computer can get fixed for good this time.

The Wardrobe

2008-03-12T20:47:00.003-04:00

I did some more organizing this past weekend so I'll have to take some fresh (and non-blurry) pictures, but I thought I'd share the beauty anyway:

You can see all my playing-around-with-video equipment, too. And my flubber!

Amusement

2008-03-11T20:16:00.003-04:00

The Battleaxe

Deliberate Brutal Love Master (DBLM)

Sharp. Hardened. Dominating. The Battleaxe sweeps all before her, smiting and what not.

You've had a number of serious relationships, so you obviously have many attractive qualities. You're well experienced in dealing with other people's weirdnesses, and it's likely you're good in bed by now, too. Also, like the drunken housewife chucking Heinekens at her no-good husband, you've got a lot of energy.

People can tell you're sophisticated, and so you find yourself the object of infatuations quite often. But it's how you handle yourself in your relationships that gets you the 'brutal' tag. Controlling? Imperious? Overbearing? Yes, please.

Remarkably, you don't mind the same from your men. You've experience enough to take whatever you dish out. Overall, you're a very good person and a capable lover, and when the time comes you'll make a fine divorcee.

Your exact female opposite:

The Nurse

Random Gentle Sex Dreamer

Always avoid: The Poolboy (RGSD)

Consider: The False Messiah (DBLM), someone just like you.

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating

Oh Hi There!

2008-03-09T22:15:00.004-04:00

I'm around.

I went away for the weekend and then entered a bit of a funk when I got back home.

This week should get me back to normal again.

Except that grades close on Friday which means it's time for report card craziness.

In other news, I'll be spending Easter with my daughter.

And my computer is cured.

Computer Issues

2008-02-27T05:44:00.002-05:00

My computer is sick.

It freezes up randomly- sometimes once it's into Windows; sometimes in the BIOS phase.

It froze this morning after we thought we'd fixed it last night. After I restarted, it just started beeping uncontrollably.

It's only two months old.

I don't want my computer to be sick.

What Privileges Do I Have?

2008-02-24T08:44:00.006-05:00

From: What Privileges Do You Have? - based on an exercise about class and privilege developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University. (If you participate in this blog game, they ask that you PLEASE acknowledge their copyright.)

Directions: Bold the statements that apply to you.

1. Father went to college.
2. Father finished college.
3. Mother went to college.
4. Mother finished college.
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor*.
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.
9. Were read children’s books by a parent.**
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18 assuming that sport counts. 11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18 assuming that sport counts.
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively.
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18.
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs.
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs.
16. Went to a private high school.***
17. Went to summer camp. (once...I hated it!)
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18.
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels.
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18.
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child.
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house.
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home.
25. You had your own room as a child. ****
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18.
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course.
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school.
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college. *****
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16.
31. Went on a cruise with your family.
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family.
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up.
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.

* My aunt's current husband is a professor, but this was not a reality growing up.

** I think my parents read to me, but I only remember my sister reading to me.

*** I went to private school for a year because the local public school was a scary place that even the principal told my dad not to send me to, but we could no longer afford it after that year.

**** I had my own room for awhile, but I'm not counting it. Our family of six lived in a three bedroom house. My parents had one room, I had one room, and my three sisters shared the master bedroom. When I was 8, we renovated and I shared a room from then on.

***** My parents set up a savings account for each of us kids. Any money we received for gift-giving occassions went into these accounts (we were not allowed to spend any of it). Sometime in my teens, my folks took $ out of my account and put it into some kind of growth fund for me. I'm quite glad they did.

Another note: All the plane rides and trip related stuff happened after I lived with my father. My socioeconomic status went up when I moved in with him after 8th grade, but I'm still a blue-collar girl at heart.

My Amazon Wish List

2008-02-24T07:44:00.002-05:00

Dear People Who Know Me IRL,

I have an amazon wish list.

I use my real name.

Just throwing that out there.

Poor_Statue

P.S. If I can get my computer to take less than 20 hours to write a DVD, I may actually be able to make you all copies of our home movies.

Things for You to Read

2008-02-23T11:43:00.002-05:00

Last night, I stayed up late finishing Extras. It was as awesome as the first three. I am mourning the fact that it's the end of the series. Scott, please please please write another. Yes they are young adult books, but the series is awesome. Read them or buy them for your own kids (or classroom).

I also stumbled across this site. They are compiling stories of difficult times in school years. It's amazing.

Where Have I Been?

2008-02-23T10:33:00.003-05:00

That nasty cold I mentioned?

Yeah, it kicked my butt.

I'm still sick.

With it comes a stuffed head feeling that doesn't do much to inspire writing.

I also went to three appointments, did two four hour tutoring sessions, met a friend for dinner, met another friend for a singing night, and am in the process of finally making my spare room look finished rather than just moved into.

Yesterday, my beau and I braved the snow for an Ikea trip. I thought I was done buying furniture from Ikea. I was wrong.

There is a decent amount of wall space next to my computer desk. Right now it holds a scrapbooking cabinet (not from Ikea) and a little wheely office organizer (from Ikea).

As I went through the last few boxes of stuff in here, I realized that those two items are a terrible use of that space. I have a handful of things that I've run out of room for, but if I had one piece of furniture that fit that space, I'd pretty much double my space to put things, and end up with a much more organized room.

So I measured.

I had my heart set on a specific piece. We have the large version in our living room and I absolutely love it. The problem was that the smaller version still wouldn't maximize that space either in height or width. I found tall, skinny bookcase that would fill the remaining space. I also found a wardrobe that would fit exactly and had lots of different size shelves and drawers.

The website said the store was out of stock.

We headed out last night and I picked up all the stuff for my two shelf idea. As we headed out, I saw the wardrobe.

It was a tough decision (I'm still struggling with it a bit), but I got the wardrobe. It maximizes the space and is inherently neater looking. It also uses the same color scheme as my computer desk.

I've been spending my morning organizing it all in my head.

I can't wait til my beau wakes up enough to build it for me!

I Want to Cry

2008-02-18T13:51:00.001-05:00

The awesome geeky future politician guy didn't make the top 24 on American Idol. I really wanted him to.

Simon's speech to him was lovely.

I was also a little sad to see Josiah go.

Yay to Progress!

2008-02-18T11:55:00.002-05:00

On just about every vacation I've ever had, I've vowed to organize my many boxes of stuff: old toys, keepsakes, school papers, letters, craft supplies.

I've never done it.

Blessedly, when we moved here, we were allotted an 8' by 20' storage area in the basement. All those boxes, lots of books, and a sizeable amount of furniture was hapharzardly packed into that no-longer-large space.

With my current projects has come the need to venture into the basement storage to dig out the old videos, my CD collection, random items. Every time I head in, I know I'm due for a long process of determining which corner or box the item is in and the digging through to finally get the object into my hands.

So once again, I promised myself that during this vacation, I would tackle that mass of storage.

I did it this morning.

I emptied half the area out. I moved all the furniture to the back. I made almost every item easily accessible. I put the boxes I most want to sort through up front. I left a space for things that need to make their way into apartment. I made a space for the Christmas decorations that are boxed up but cluttering up our bedroom. I (mostly) grouped like items together: boxes of books, boxes of toys, boxes of craft stuff, boxes of keepsakes, boxes of papers and letters.

The whole project took me two hours including the trips to add more time to the basement lights (they are on a fifteen minute timer).

I feel so good. I just had lunch and I now have my entire afternoon available for another project.

Plus, I woke up with a particularly nasty cold but rather than letting it stop me, I'm going to make the most of my day so I can enjoy the rest of my vacation guilt free.

My Therapist, My Boyfriend, and the Cool Shirts

2008-02-17T09:23:00.003-05:00

News alert: I'm in therapy.

The reason my doctor referred me was for anxiety. Much of my anxiety comes out when people enter my abnormally large personal bubble. Close talkers, or worse, people who touch you when they talk really test my limits. I hate having anyone behind me and if I'm waiting in line, all I can feel is the person behind me.

Unfortunately, it isn't just strangers this applies to. If I'm feeling particularly anxious, nobody can come near me. So my poor cuddly boyfriend tries to hug me and I tense up (and that's best case scenario).

He came with me to therapy a few weeks ago and my therapist instructed him to hug me more. My job was to reciprocate.

So when I saw the cool heart shirts, I had to get them. Luckily, my boyfriend is a big sappy geek, too, so I knew he'd love them.

He did.

Wewore them to karaoke last night and were a huge hit. My beau was a bit reluctant to remove his sweatshirt, but once he did, I'm sure he had fun. Everyone wanted to know where we got them and we got to do lots of demonstrations.

It was a blast.

Truth and Giants

2008-02-14T05:58:00.003-05:00

I'm pretty sure that anyone who reads this blog must already know, but just in case a couple of folks don't, I wanted to create a post.

I have a five year old daughter whom I placed for adoption at birth.

It was and is incredibly painful, but she is also the light of my life. She's smart, and happy, and strong, and independent. I make the long drive to visit her between 5 and 7 times a year, and for the past two years, she and her family have been coming to my Christmas party.

I've been blogging about it here for about as long as I've had this blog. In December, I decided not to blog there anymore. A week or so ago, I decided that I would start an adoption category on this blog rather than quitting writing about adoption completely. I'm merging, and I wanted to make sure both sets of my readers were told.

A couple days ago, I sent my daughter an impulsive gift. Many moons ago, I bought her They Might Be Giants alphabet dvd. If you've never seen it, you should buy it. It's awesome. I'm not sure that my daughter has ever watched it. I happen to be far quirkier than her folks. I'm not sure they know who They Might Be Giants is (In high school, I saw a free show they put on in the outdoor ampitheater of a local college), and my daughter was still quite young when I gave it to her. Well, they recently came out with a numbers one. As a math teacher, I couldn't resist. I sent it to my daughter with two Marilyn Burns books and then ordered another DVD/CD for myself.

I used to try to send my daughter something handmade for Valentine's Day, but this year, I didn't manage. This gift will come a bit late, but I figure it can still count for this holiday. I hope she enjoys it.

Valentine's Day

2008-02-13T21:38:00.006-05:00

What did I do for my sweetie?

I went shopping here.

And got these:

And this:

Which I filled with these:

The songs are a bit of a timeline of our relationship (with some artistic license). He's always loved to DJ our car trips.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Resolution Breaking

2008-02-11T18:19:00.001-05:00

The New Year's Resolution I cared most about was not to buy any more clothes.

Part of that was trying to minimize my charging. If I couldn't use my debit card, I shouldn't get it (other than occasional books from Amazon).

I was doing great.

So great that I treated myself to the two Guitar Hero games.

I knew I was going to be getting some extra money (a lot actually) this month so I didn't think anything of it.

Then my credit card bill came in.

I thought it was a mistake.

It wasn't.

I knew I had some leftover debt from my Christmas party and Christmas, but I hadn't figured in the shopping I did the week of Christmas.

I did do a great job cutting my spending since the New Year. My credit card bill reflects that as does the fact that I was able to make some recent large purchases entirely with my debit card.

It's just that my cut-off wasn't quite soon enough.

I realize that this disappointment is what is making me want to spend.

I wanted/needed a new sweatshirt- the nice kind that skateboard and snowboard companies make. I bought the only one I could find this past weekend and then I bought this awesome one tonight. Yes, the prices are very reasonable. No, this wasn't an impulse buy. I researched and researched until I found the right one.

I'm not too upset about breaking the resolution. I still plan to stick with it. I recognize that this was a good lesson. I noticed an empty spot in my wardrobe and filled it with something I'll use and love.

But I also want to book a trip to see my dad.

My beau and I went there in August (his first time). It's not a great time to go to Arizona so we decided to go back this March. I get two personal days, March is a long month in a school, it's a great time to go for an extended weekend somewhere nice.

I really want to go.

Financially, we shouldn't.

My debt will be paid off next week, but charging plane tickets would cancel that out.

But we could use the weekend away and I really want to see my parents.

I have a lot of thinking to do.

Talent Show

2008-02-07T06:19:00.000-05:00

Part of my video transfer included my seventh and eighth grade talent shows.

We've wanted to do a talent show at my school for years, but it all seemed too daunting.

I'm inspired again. Even better, we have a strong group of new teachers that I'm sure would be willing to help out. My plan is to include a rule that the kids can't involve the music program. I talked to the music teacher yesterday about it. He'd run the sound for us, but I know he has too much on his plate to do anything more. The hard part will be geting him to say no because he's a big softie when it comes to the kids.

I'm planning to set up a meeting with the school director to get it approved and pick a night. I also need to send out an email to recruit some teachers.

Does anyone have any tips on how to facilitate a talent show at a middle school?

Dear Mr. Jesus

2008-02-04T17:17:00.000-05:00

So my new software program stops working whenever I try to actually create an mpeg file.

I decided to use another program I have (which is way more awesome anyway). This worked better.

Then I set up a YouTube account, but it said my 5 minute video was too big (go figure). So I saved it as a wmv instead and uploaded it to my photobucket account instead. But then I noticed that the sound was off.

The program I've loved since May is suddenly having sound issues.

So I imported an okay version into Windows Movie Maker, compressed it, and turned it into an MPEG. This time it worked. But my sweetie reset our internet while I was uploading. This is why there were problems in the night (I'm sick and was in bed by 7:30). Also, I can get the photobucket to play once on the blog and then the video disappears.

I hope the real video stuff I want to do doesn't cause so many problems. All this for an extremely poor quality video. Yikes!

Anyway, this is for Janet:

My Day

2008-02-03T22:30:00.001-05:00

1. I tutored a friend in math to help her get ready for the teacher exam. We spent over four hours together.

2. I transferred a million hours of video onto my computer. I just got to the end of a six hour tape. I've been waiting and waiting for it to finish so I can actually get some sleep tonight.

3. I finally wrote an article for Open Adoption Support.

4. I called my stepmom so I can get even more videos!

5. I did my lesson plans.

6. I cleaned my closet.

7. I did dishes and other picking up to get ready for the friend I had over.

Yawn!!!!!!!

Spam, Spam, Spam

2008-02-03T09:08:00.001-05:00

Last night, my sweetie and I went to see Spamalot. We were excited.

It was good. It went by very quickly and the songs were very funny. I particularly enjoyed all the commentary about Broadway and musical theatre.

I bought a catapulting cow. I really wanted the black knight, but he cost twice as much and the cow works like a slingshot and moos.

After the shows, my sweetie and I go have crepes at a little tiny place in the city.

We're really enjoying the evenings out and I'm wishing I would have gotten the full season. I think next year we will. It's a short drive into the city and we found a $5 parking place so the additional expenses are quite reasonable. We like the opportunity to dress up. I love live theatre and his introduction to it has also been positive. I like exposing him to my favorites and seeing new ones as well.

Many thanks to my sister for getting us started. At the time, it was financially daunting to plan a night at the theatre, so I really appreciate her boost.

Our next scheduled theatre excursion is seeing Wicked on Broadway (a gift from my daughter and her family) which I'm very excited about. I've never seen it though I am somewhat familiar with the premise and music.

Yay to theatre!

Side note: I'm currently transferring my junior high performance as Anne in The Diary of Anne Frank onto my main computer thanks to my two new VCRs from craigslist. Ah, the memories!

I Did It!!!

2008-02-03T09:05:00.000-05:00

I passed the next tier on 80s Guitar Hero. I beat What I Like About You and the encore (which was way easier until the final 3%).

I'm trying to get some other stuff done this weekend though so I'll be taking a break.

Once I can get the hammer-ons and pull-offs figured out, I should be good. That's the only thing I consistently can't do.

I Need to Stop Playing

2008-01-29T06:03:00.000-05:00

I spent last night playing Guitar Hero. I'm still working on the 80s one.

I beat medium without a problem. I got five stars on all but one and in my first run, I got two perfects. Last night I played 18 and Life to get perfect and did.

I'm working my way through hard. For the first few tiers, I aimed for four stars on each. I was mostly getting it, and if I didn't, I replayed until I did. I hadn't needed the practice this time. Until last night.

I've reached the point where I'm lucky to pass. So far, I've beat 18 out of 30 on hard. I'm completely stuck on What I Like About You. On the slowest practice, I can get 95%. On the next, I'm in the 80s. When it's one slower, I can't even get into the 70s. I practiced a bunch and then decided to play to win.

I played until my wrist was too sore. I'm stuck. It's just too much moving too fast. It's also the last song of the set I need to beat. I'll probably need to memorize all the changes to beat it.

Sunday, just for fun, I decided to try expert (18 and Life of course). I ended up beating a couple songs on expert. I was pretty excited. There are some new chords in expert that I need to get used to, but many of the sections were pretty close to the hard version.

I was actually going to head to bed early because I had trouble getting up yesterday, but then I found these videos on YouTube. The kid is amazing.

Would You Light My Candle?

2008-01-27T14:45:00.000-05:00

Last weekend, my sweetie and I went to see RENT in a nearby city.

The first time I saw the stage musical, I immediately bought tickets to see it again the next night. I loved it that much. Even better, I was up close the first night and up high the second, and the show is staged so that there is something beautiful and unique about both seating choices.

I'd already shown my sweetie the movie (it made him cry) and I was excited for him to see the show.

I'm always a bit nervous about seeing favorite shows. I get attached to the way I saw it originally and I get attached to the official soundtrack. Any changes have to be pretty incredible for me to be okay with them.

While there were a few odd moments in this recent tour, I was again left wanting to see it again right away. It was amazing.

Mimi, Tom Collins, and Angel grew on me. I was pretty excited about the Tom Collins piece when I read the program pre-show, but it took a bit for him to convince me. Eventually he did. He was amazing during the reprise of I'll Cover You. Mimi also blew me away by the end. That's the role I'd want to play so I'm extra picky. She was awesome.

Joanne was stellar throughout as was Benny and every one of the swing folks. The supporting folks really wowed me. The role of Maureen is my least favorite role so it's hard for me to get excited about it. I will say that the actress who played her was the best I've seen or heard. The duet with Joanne (Take Me or Leave Me) was incredible.

Roger was another who grew on me. He was an amazing actor- putting unbelievable emotion into the end of the show.

My beau cried again (because of Angel). I just loved every single moment.

I'm going to have to see it every time it comes around.

VCR update

2008-01-27T14:38:00.000-05:00

Even though some nice person suggested I try craigslist or freecycle for a VCR, I ended up looking for one at the store anyway.

They don't exist.

I could buy a really poor quality DVD/VCR combo for $60 minimum, but no VCR.

I searched stores online. $50 for a poor quality stand alone VCR. Yikes!

So I headed to craigslist. I had only avoided it because I don't really live in a big craigslist area.

The pickings were slim, but some woman had 2 for $10 each. Her post was a few weeks old, but she still has them. I'm buying both. And she is located in my city! Yay for me!

May the transferring resume. My spare room has been a mess since I started this project.

More Guitar Hero Goodness

2008-01-27T14:13:00.000-05:00

In my Guitar Hero obsession, I of course read a whole bunch of stuff about the new one.

Because of what I read, I decided to pick up the 80s one which Stacy mentioned in the comments of my previous post.

Why wasn't Guitar Hero III enough?

Well, I'm trying to break into hard. I made it to the Slash battle on GHIII, but I'm pretty sure I won't get any further for awhile. I'm barely passing the songs on hard. All the reviews said that hard and expert are significantly more challenging on this latest version.

While many consider the 80s one a bit of a rip-off, I also read that it's a good one to make the transition to hard on. I wanted it anyway, and while I agree it should be at least $10 cheaper (I actually paid less for GHIII), I was sold. Besides, as my friend Jay would point out, in the end, each of the GH games cost me less than $1 per hour of play which is an incredible bargain.

I've been playing the 80s one today and am thoroughly enjoying it. It was worth it just to get 18 and Life. I figure I'll do something responsible eventually.

Video Transfer

2008-01-21T12:45:00.000-05:00

Last weekend, I started transferring my old home movies onto my computer. I had to get a new device to do so because the one I got wouldn't work with Vista. After that minor hurdle, I started transferring.

Today I decided to continue the project. The first tape I put in promptly got eaten. I got it out and managed to wind it back up though I haven't yet checked to see if it still works.

I had a bit of trouble toward the end last week, but assumed the problem was with the tape, not the VCR. After this latest incident, I decided to test it out before destroying all my movies.

I put in a commercial video that I bought new a couple years ago.

It's not the tapes. The VCR is broken.

I'm really not excited about having to get a VCR to finish up this project.

Guitar Hero III

2008-01-20T21:12:00.000-05:00

I finally bought Guitar Hero III. After hearing all my students rave about it and talking about it with my nephew, I was itching to buy it. On the snow day, we went to our local electronics store where I monopolized their store sample of it. They were selling it for $40 so I decided to stop denying myself.

I didn't actually play it until Thursday night. Once I did, I couldn't put it down.

I finished career mode on medium today. The Slash battle took me about 40 tries, but the Lou battle only took me one. Go figure. I beat everything else on the first try, getting 95% five stars.

I've finally decided that I need to try the hard level. So far, I've made it through three songs on hard. I'll definitely need to head into the tutorials and practice mode to get any further.

The songs on this one are incredible. It also seems that they are more fun to play this time around. My favorites so far are Paint it Black, Black Magic Woman, Pride and Joy, and One. I could probably play these all day.

I'm so glad I picked it up. It's just so much fun.

Update: I'm now two tiers into hard. I even beat Tom Morello! I had to use the practice mode to make it through the solo section of Rock and Roll All Night, but other than that one, I'm beating them fine. Of course, I'm getting all three stars (except for one four and one five), but I feel like I'm getting better already. I might put Guitar Hero II back in to try to beat hard on that.

Eighth Grade

2008-01-16T19:46:00.000-05:00

I don't want to teach eighth grade anymore.

Yes, I know that in a few days or a week, I'll love them all again, but today my kids were just irritating.

I feel like I've lost my touch.

I've noticed my female students exchanging looks and giggles. Some of them have been flat-out rude.

I never used to have problems like that.

I've always had at least one student every year that I just didn't connect to, and I'm used to having a couple of students and parents who think I'm the worst thing that ever happened to them, but it's always been just a couple.

It seems worse this year. It's no longer a couple of kids.

We do have an especially difficult eighth grade, but I'm having issues with kids who were model students for me last year.

Anyway, today was especially difficult.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Snow Day!

2008-01-14T06:01:00.000-05:00

I fell asleep with the TV on last night and it was still on when I woke up.

The news was on and the cancellations were scrolling. I was hopeful, but really didn't think we'd be cancelled. I was in and out of sleep, flipping through the channels trying to see if we were closed.

Nothing.

I didn't see our school on any channel I tried and the reports described a storm that was mostly north of us.

Finally I got up and started my morning routine.

I looked outside. It wasn't bad, but I was already dreading having to clean my car and make the trek in the snow.

I turned on my computer and went onto the local news site figuring the possibility of a snow day was a lost cause.

Yet our school was listed!

I had to check several times to be sure.

I'm very excited to have an extended weekend.

Math Teachers Are Awesome!

2008-01-12T14:52:00.000-05:00

Thanks to xkcd.com.

My Sweet, K

2008-01-02T19:48:00.001-05:00

I've been helping out with the musical theater program at our school for a number of years now.

In the 2005-2006 school year, a 5th grade girl, K, auditioned for our show.

K had a lovely singing voice, but refused to do any speaking onstage. She was an odd duck really- shunned by everyone.

I knew very little about her when I met her, but very quickly developed a closeness to her. She is one of the few students (or people really) that I feel nurturing toward. I never lost my patience for K and her numerous needs, and it became known that K and I had a special bond.

Throughout that production, we had to work hard to keep K from having a meltdown. Most days she wouldn't perform unless she was able to carry a stuffed animal (something she did regularly as it was). Even with the animal, any break from routine completely unsettled her. She was prone to frequent meltdowns and required a great deal of patience and nurturing.

Our production night came and K amazed everyone. She has the voice of an angel. Over time I had learned that she was even odder in the classroom. None of her teachers could believe that the angel singing onstage was the same child they dealt with in the classroom.

During the next year, when K was in sixth grade, she and I became even closer. She'd run to hug me when she saw me (nobody frowns upon this at my school though I personally am not known as a hugging sort) and took to waiting for me at the end of the day to let me know how her day was get a hug before she went. There were many days that she would breakdown into childish sobs over some minor event. It didn't bother me.

Her sixth grade teachers thought I was nuts. They, too, thought she could be sweet, but they found her frequent breakdowns and childishness unbearable. They said they had no patience for her and had adopted the strategy of telling her firmly to stop whenever she got upset about something. I found out that K had had instances where she acted like an animal, romping around the room. It seemed there were times that she actually thought she was an animal. There were other occasions when she completely lost it- whether in anger or emotion. For one of these, she was required to get a psych eval before returning to school. The school secretary would groan K's name because she was so tired of dealing with all the situations.

I also learned that she had no diagnosis or special services. This was a huge shock to me. Yes, I loved K, but it took about two minutes with her to recognize that she was different. During her sixth grade show, her only attachment was with a severely autistic fifth grader. The two of them were soul mates. It made perfect sense. K was slightly more outgoing and connected to people, but they both had the same odd way about them. It was good to see them together. They both seemed happier. K was less anxious about change and trying new things because she wanted to show the younger girl that it was okay. The younger girl started smiling more and reaching out to people.

I requested to have K in my math class this year. One of the sixth grade assistants told me I was crazy- that in small doses maybe, but not all the time. I worried that I would regret it- that she would need too much attention- that I wouldn't be able to be both nurturer and teacher to her. Before the end of the year, that same assistant watched K and I together and this time, she said she'd request K to be in my room.

Privately, two of the people who worked with me closely told me that K had to be in my room. She was a different kid with me.

This year started. I still got my hugs- more frequent now because we see each other more often. It turned out that K is an outstanding student so any worries about her academics weren't needed.

For the first few weeks, every time I tried to do group work, the kids made every effort to avoid working with K. They'd give each other looks and pull their chairs away and make faces. They treated her like she wasn't a person. Of course, I put a quick stop to anything rude, but their disapproval was quite obvious. Meanwhile, K continued to hug me every day when she left my class. I'd tell her to have a good day and she'd smile and wave and go on her way.

But things started to change.

I don't know how or why, but this year K is a different kid with everyone, not just me.

She has her own group of friends, including at least one absolutely wonderful (your stereotypical good kid) girl who it seems has become her best friend. The same kids who acted like she didn't exist now ask her to be her partner. She hasn't had a single "episode" all year. Though she occasionally starts to cry, she pulls it together and now instead of shunning her, the other kids reassure her and give her the support she needs.

Her hugs for me are starting to get less frequent. She is as likely to go chat with another kid or teacher as she is to come to me. I'll still get a wave and smile, but I don't always get a sprint to jump in for a bear hug. This makes me both happy and sad- sad because I looked forward to those hugs myself, but mostly happy to see her doing so well and becoming more self-assured and independent. I'm so happy for her and so proud of her.

Today, I was standing with one of the other staff as K was leaving for the day. This outspoken and opinionated staff person told me that K used to drive her crazy and that she couldn't stand to be around her, but that this year K has really grown up and is a delight to be around.

This is why I love teaching middle school.

2008 Personal Goals

2008-01-01T17:37:00.000-05:00

I'm not much of a resolution type of gal, but I'm going to try it out by deciding what I do and do not want in 2008.

1. I want to get back to exercising. I really enjoyed it. It helps my mood tremendously. Plus, I'm the lightest I've been since before my pregnancy so it'd be nice to take advantage of that by getting in better shape.

2. I do not want to buy a single article of clothing! I've been organizing my clothes since we've moved. Yesterday, I finished up the last bit. I've gotten rid of at least a closet worth of clothes since we got here, and I still have too many. I'd like to try to go a whole year without buying any clothes.

3. I want to write an article for Dawn every week. I closed up my adoption blog, but I still have some words in me. I'd like to create more thoughtful, formal pieces for Dawn's site. I'm thinking of beginning by doing a what to expect series detailing the way my own open adoption relationships developed each year.

4. I want to purge. Along the same lines as my clothing issue, I'd like to work on getting rid of even more stuff. I've been slowly working on it over the last five years (I read Flylady testimonials for inspiration though I don't follow the system.), but I still have a long way to go. It'd be nice if everything in our storage unit was easily accessible.

5. Part of my plan to get rid of stuff is to actually get back to scrapbooking. Now that I have the space to do it, I'd like to set some kind of goal. I'm super sentimental. I've saved everything. Last year, I managed to get rid of some old clothes and childhood drawings by taking pictures of them first. I'd like to use a combination of digital picture taking and scrapbooking to rid myself of an embarrassing amount of paper clutter.

6. I want to transfer all of my home videos to digital files. I have the device. I have some cool software. I took the videos out of storage last week. Now I just have to try it out.

7. I want to learn to let go of things.

How about you?

I Am Loved

2007-12-31T08:46:00.000-05:00

My sweetie got me my monster.

Me: How did you know which one I wanted?
Him: C'mon!

Whew!

2007-12-29T16:32:00.000-05:00

I just got home from the bank. I had to deposit my sweetie's share of the rent so that my check would clear.

I was feeling a little panicky because I cut it a bit closer than I thought. On the drive home, I was busy doing the math. By February, things should be fine again, but a big move, followed by my holiday party, followed by the actual holidays, and complicated by the fact that the beau had a full week unpaid this month due to two bad illnesses was making things look a little scary.

I checked the mail when I got home and in it was a check from being the supervising practitioner for a coworker who just finished her degree.

I can breathe again.

It's the little things.

Merry Christmas World!

2007-12-25T12:25:00.001-05:00

So This Is Christmas...

2007-12-25T08:11:00.000-05:00

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Wrapping paper with pretty bows and ribbons, but I'm usualy not with it enough to do hat.

2. Real tree or artificial?
We don't have a tree. I had a real tree once and loved it, but they are messy. I like the mini plant trees.

3. When do you put up the tree?
See above.

4. When do you take the tree down?
See above, but if I had one, it'd have to be down by New Year's.

5. Do you like eggnog?
Yummy!

6. Favorite gift received as a child?
A Julie doll.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?
Yes, I have several.

8. Hardest person to buy for?
Everyone. I'm not good at gifts.

9. Easiest person to buy for?
My daughter, I guess. I buy the same stuff every year.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever got?
A hideous ornament.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards?
Mail, of course.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?
I saw Elf for the first time last night and loved it. I'm also a fan of The Best Christmas Pageant Ever even though it hasn't aged well.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
Not until December and I try to do it all online.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
Probably.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Fudge. And French Meat Pie.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?
Clear, definitely.

17. Favorite Christmas song? O Holy Night.
Least favorite? Barking Dog Jingle Bells.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
I rarely need to travel and I'd prefer not to. School gets out so close to Christmas and I want the vacation, not more chaos.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers?
Of course. All you have to do is sing the song.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?
Whatever is prettier. I've done both.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
Growing up, the presents were at night and the stockings were in the morning. Since then, I've just adjusted to whoever I'm celebrating with.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
The crazy drivers.

23. What I love most about Christmas?
The music.

Your turn.

Always Exciting

2007-12-24T10:22:00.000-05:00

My beau and I have lived in our beautiful new home for almost two months now.

We've had two fire alarms and a long power outage.

It's like living in the dorms.

Happy Christmas Eve!

Hot and Cold

2007-12-19T05:50:00.000-05:00

It's been stormy around here.

It's also been really cold.

There are piles of snow and sheets of ice everywhere. Nothing melts during the day. There is nowhere to walk or park. Everything is frozen.

I do my smoking on the deck and there are many times when I wrap up in a blanket along with my coat to try to keep out the cold.

We've hit the single digits quite a few times.

And yet....

We haven't turned on our heat once since we moved here and the coldest it has been in our apartment is 71 degrees.

Having lived mostly in 100 year old buildings since being on my own, I'm amazed.

It Will Be Okay

2007-12-15T10:09:00.000-05:00

I've just started reading The Boy in the Striped Pajamas.

It had been on my list for awhile, so when I saw it on a store shelf, I picked it up.

It was on my list because one of my students was reading it. I often pick up their books to see what they're reading. I read the Uglies trilogy because of this, and now I've picked up another. (Next on my list is the horrifying Anatomy of a Boyfriend.)

I teach in an economically disadvantaged city, one that is only getting worse; during the past year, our last major industry closed their doors.

Our kids come with all the problems you would expect in a city like mine.

And yet, they read. All of them, all the time. Something about my school turns kids into readers. Last week, one of our toughest students (and one with a textbook case of ADHD) begged me to let him go to his locker so he could get his book. He just had to keep reading it. When we ended up with a few extra minutes somewhere in the day, he parked himself in a corner and opened his book. Last year when you walked into my homeroom, you would find every kid reading- not because I asked them to, but because they wanted to. Whenever a kid finishes an assignment early, they immediately pull out a book. My biggest problem at the beginning of a lesson is getting all the kids to put their books away so I can teach.

It's wonderful. I think it may be one of the most wonderful thing about our school. I wish I knew what the formula was so we could bottle it up.

And as an aside, last year 100% of our grade 6 students passed the state assessment in English and all but one of the seventh graders passed theirs.

Can you Imagine?

2007-12-14T06:03:00.000-05:00

Despite an early dismissal, students in a local city did not get home from school until 11PM last night. Their school buses were stuck in traffic.

Eventually, the police were sent to get the students off the bus and transport them home.