My Nightmare Parent

It hasn't ended. My nasty parent is at it again. It's causing me a great deal of stress right now.

Since that sudden decline, her daughter is back to getting perfect scores on her daily work. She is clearly being more careful again.

I passed back work again and made sure the student took home her folder to show mom. One of the new grades was a quiz. The child got two wrong, scoring an 88.

Her mother had her redo it.

The next day before the student even entered my classroom. she held the paper up asking, "Is this right?" I told her I wasn't going to look at it then.

I'm not sure who emailed who first, but I emailed her mother reminding her of the policy I explained to her in April: I don't regrade work unless I make arrangements with the child. I also described how her daughter had approached me, which wasn't to ask for extra help. I also refused to send the folder home again.

The mother sent me an email stating that I'd proven to her that I wouldn't help her daughter, and that she would seek help elsewhere.

She came in after school looking for me and asked for a copy of the quiz. I sent it home the next day.

I found out Wednesday that she complained to the principal again. I kenew she would. He didn't share what he said, but told me he wasn't planning to do anything this late in the year.

Yesterday, the executive director came to speak with me. The mother sent him a letter asking that her daughter not be in my class next year because I refused to help her daughter.

Of course I had already made sure that her daughter wouldn't be in my class.

Still, I'm upset that it has gone this far and I'm worried that her mom will use her smooth talking with him. I did send him a written report of all of our interactions (though I realized this morning that I left a few things out), but I'm afraid he will only see the bit of recent stubbornness on my part.

I just couldn't let this mother bully me. I know she had her daughter redo the quiz just because I'd told her that I don't regrade work and then she could say I refused to help. When I told her that I generally don't regrade work the first time she had her daughter redo work, she told me I was refusing to help and that I didn't care about her daughter. She tried to say the same at our meeting, but couldn't because I did stay after with her daughter.

If I went over every question for every kid who didn't score 100, I would never teach. I told the executive director that though I realized that it was only one question and wouldn't take much time, I felt like the mother was purposely testing my policy. I also admitted that I did tell the mother that I wasn't concerned about two questions because the daughter had done so well.

I'm a wreck over this. I'm trying not to let it bother me, but I'm barely holding it together.

Mother's Day

We spent Mother's Day at my boyfriend's parents house with lots of Mother's. Every one of them told me "Happy Mother's Day" as we hugged. It was awesome, They are also starting to be more open about talking about motherhood with me and including my motherhood as much as their own. I feel blessed to have become a part of a family that does that.

Just yesterday we had a long conversation about learning to read and it was nice to share stories about how my daughter was learning to read.

I love open adoption.

Open Adoption

I was talking about adoption at a recent counseling appointment when my counselor shared that she knew a woman who grew up in an open adoption. The woman maintained very close relationships with both her moms, something supported by her adoptive mom even as the woman became somewhat closer to her firstmom. She described the woman who was adopted as well-adjusted and really happy about her situation.

I forget where they all originated, but it was so nice to hear about an adult who grew up in an open adoption and how beautifully it turned out.

In related news, my daughter and her family are currently visiting with my mom in Florida. I love that they make time for that on their yearly trip there.

The Perfect Party

Yesterday I had a perfect party.

Other than my annual Christmas thing, I rarely have people over. Those who know me were surprised I was having a party.

Today is the official graduation for our Master's program. A group of us did the whole two-year program together, off-campus. Most of us chose not to attend graduation for that reason.

It didn't feel right to not have a celebration at all.

So I decided to have everyone over my place.

I was going to order food, but ended up making everything. My sweetie also helped. We found graduation platters at the grocery store which were overpriced but too perfect to pass up. I tried to get the perfect snacks to put out. I bought soda of every kind (cans this time because we never finish the bottles.

I hadn't said to RSVP, so as of yesterday I only knew of two people that were coming with their husbands. I'd said the party was at 2. I didn't really expect anyone til 3. The days leading up to it were filled with worry that no one was coming. At 3:30, when no one was there, more worry kicked in.

Finally, the first person arrived. We chatted and just when my anxiety over entertaining one kicked in, everyone else came. We had all but one of the people who did the entire program together at my house.

I had worried about space, but it turned out perfectly. The food was perfect. Some people brought desserts so I have a ton of desserts left over (and a reasonable amount of other food). The real food was eaten the most and everyone had clean plates (a good sign). The conversation flowed nicely.

I discovered that hosting was the perfect role for me because there was less pressure to be part of the conversation. I could busy myself keeping food and drink going.

Someone was thoughtful enough to bring champagne so as the party wound down, we had a toast. Within the next half hour, people left. It was the perfect amount of time.

Clean-up was easy (they were much neater than my family).

Really, I thought it was the most perfect graduation party ever. Perfect amount of people, the right amount of space, perfect mix of food, perfect atmosphere, perfect amount of time, and the right closure for what was an incredible program and a stellar group of people.

I feel incredible today.

Baby, It's Cold Outside!

We've lived in our apartment since November and haven't turned on the heat in all that time....until today.

So much for spring.

My classroom was so cold all day. I had on winter clothes and I still feel like an icicle.

So I came home as soon as I could, got a hot coffee, turned on the heat, and put on my warmest clothes.

I can't wait to warm up.

On Mom-ness

A comment from a relative:

"You know I've never thought to send a Mother's Day card to [daughter's mom], isn't that awful? She is the mom now."

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there.

The Tough Stuff

I talked to my daughter on Sunday. She wasn't very chatty, but it's always nice to get to talk to her.

As she handed the phone off to her mom, she said to her mom: "She's supposed to be my mom."

Ouch. I'm sure that one stung.

In other news, I handmade mother's day cards for my daughter's mom and grandmother this year and they were both thrilled with them.

The Parent I Have No Patience For

Like many teachers, I keep all student work on file. Students may sign out their folders for one night. At the end of the term, after report cards, I send all the work home from that term.

The Wednesday before school vacation, I had a B student approach me with a stack of work her parents had made her redo from the previous trimester expecting me to correct it.

I spoke to the mother and explained my policy (no redos unless I approve it), asked that she not do it again, but agreed to do it. She wanted immediately, but I told her I wouldn't have it until after vacation.

Over vacation, as I corrected work, I noticed that this student had suddenly stopped doing well on our daily reviews. On the Monday we returned, I sent a note home to mom letting her know the corrections were fine, but that I was concerned about some recent low grades. I mentioned that it appeared to be an issue with reading the directions carefully and asked that she reinforce this at home. I also sent the folder home for the night for her to look at and arranged to stay after with the kid for extra help.

That Wednesday, I got an email from mom wanting to meet with me. I suggested the afternoon that I'd be staying with her daughter (the following Monday). When mom said she wanted to meet sooner, I explained that I wasn't available sooner. She then called and decided to grill me about my schedule including a sarcastic comment : "Well, don't you get a lunch." When I didn't budge, she agreed to Monday. She then called the principal to complain that I couldn't meet sooner AND sent in copies of all the child's work asking him to look it over.

The principal and I met with her. She, of course, was sweet as pie, but while I kept my composure, I could not extend any pleasantries. She said that my note and actions made her think I was dismissing the issue though she admitted that my note said I was concerned. It took everything I had not to respond with how much I had gone out of my way for her and how offended I was by her phone call.

I can normally get over it and make nice, but in this case, the mother has left such a bad taste in my mouth that I can't stand it.

She claims she's never had a teacher who couldn't meet with her the same day. I told her I've never had a parent who expected me to meet the same day and reiterated that I really was unavailable earlier. I also told her that I didn't like the suggestion that I was lying to her about my schedule.

I basically did everything that I could possibly be expected to do, and she claims I was dismissing the issue. I can't wait til I no longer have to deal with her because I don't think I could stand anymore of her rudeness and demanding attitude or her constant suggestions that I don't care about her child's progress (that's what she uses to get her way).

Ugh, ugh, ugh. Can you tell I'm really mad about this?

My Career

Internet, please send good thoughts my way!

I want to be some sort of math leader: math coach, curriculum director, department head, math leader, instructional specialist- I don't care what it's called. I want time to do research and support teachers.

We're expecting an upcoming larger class size. We currently have 75 students per grade level and are expecting 100. This causes a huge problem in a small school with only one content area teacher per grade level. For the past two years, I've been working on a plan to restructure the school in order to accommodate this change.

I've been meeting regularly with the curriculum director to review my ideas. At first, she was confident, but recently the school decided to make some other very big changes at our elementary site, causing some major budget issues. It looked like none of my proposals would be accepted.

Despite this, our executive director was willing to hear my ideas. We originally set up a meeting for next Wednesday, but on Thursday he told me it couldn't wait, so the meeting was rescheduled for yesterday.

I had solved our English/ Social studies problem but had more elegantly solved our math problem (science isn't an issue). Yesterday afternoon, the curriculum director brought another teacher my way who had come up with a more elegant solution for the English/ Social Studies issue. She, too, had some personal reasons to be invested. She's new this year, but is absolutely incredible and committed and exciting. We combined our ideas and I invited her to the meeting.

The meeting lasted more than two hours.

At first he dismissed our plans, disappointing both of us. He was especially concerned about my math solution because there was no room in the budget for what I wanted to do. Then he shared what he had come up with, but as we did the numbers together, it didn't work.

I re-proposed our idea, telling him I thought the numbers worked for both students and teachers.

We started to do the numbers for it, and from a preliminary look, it seemed feasible (there is a space issue though). It did require some adjustments to my part in all this, but I was pleased with the results. I'd end up teaching two advanced classes and possibly one heterogeneous group. So I'd have a half day of teaching and a half day of doing everything else I want to do. My number of students wouldn't change because right now I teach six half classes and I'd move up to three full classes, but I'm okay with that. It also leaves some extra periods for the other teacher so she can do all of her cool things.

He's going to recheck the numbers over the weekend and try to figure out the space issue. We meet again next Wednesday to find out the results.

I really hope it works out.

Yippee!!!!!

Dear Internet,

As of 7:15 this evening, I am officially finished with my Master's degree program. It feels amazing!

Sincerely,

Poor_Statue