Crying At Work

Yeah, I cry when I get mad. I tried so hard not to, but after about twenty minutes, I lost it and walked away.

I alluded to my woes a few days ago, but today I found out the details.

And so I'll vent to you.

The other math teacher has been my main source of stress for a few years now. We've sort of gotten to a point where we can actually work together, but we barely maintain it. We also do a good job of hiding our distaste for each other but the VP became aware after we got into a fight in his office a year and a half ago.

I started working there a half year before she did. I started midyear and she came in for the next school year. I had a really difficult beginning at my school and I was really excited to meet this veteran teacher the next year. She retired from another school system and then took the sweet position at our school (we get half of each class instead of the whole class like all the other teachers- that's why there are two of us and why we really need to get along).

This year we have a ton of new teachers. Only a third of of last year's classroom teachers returned this year. They added grade level teacher leaders this year for a bunch of reasons. I heard the rumor last week. It was finalized today.

At lunch another teacher approached me. He was offered the seventh grade leader position and he wondered if I'd want it should he decide it was too much. He assumed I was a candidate. I asked if my name had been mentioned. He said it hadn't. The other math teacher was offered the eighth and he was offered the seventh.

My anger built for the rest of the day.

I know where the reasoning was, but I thought the VP should have at least spoken to me to explain why I was passed over and I was mad because the other math teacher is a horrible role model. If you're going to have a teacher leader I think it should be someone who actually follows school procedures. Plus, I've always been the go-to person in my grade. She takes over the team meetings because she's a control freak, but when people have questions, or need a form, or are wondering about a procedure, they always come to me- including the two teachers who are now our teacher leaders. I'm pretty much known for being organized, responsible, and in the know about current school happenings. Of the three of us, I'm also the most tech-savvy. Our school does everything by computer. The other math teacher has the para (that's teacher's assistant for all you non-school folk) do all of that for her- gradebooks, attendance, lesson plans, progress reports, etc..... One of the teacher leader responsibilities is to field questions about all of those things and to collect the paper items from everyone.

This was a major snub.

So I fumed.

We had a staff meeting after school. She wasn't in today (actually she left after an hour because her daughter broke up with her boyfriend). The teacher leaders were announced. A couple people looked at me like, "huh?" I wanted to walk out. The VP said it had been his decision. At least I knew who to complain to.

I sat for the next half hour. I decided to speak.

I normally don't, especially in a case like this when nothing can be done about it. Unless I have a solution or I can be positive, I just don't complain. The principal actually complimented me on this- he recognized that the only time I complain is if I have a solution and that he admires how positive I always am. When there is an issue, I deal with it. I was too angry this time. It was the last straw.

I had heard that afternoon about how my students get teased by her students. I listened to the para complain that she covered for her all day except during our only prep. I tried to get my new teacher's editions that had been given to the other math teacher to give to me and she and them were nowhere to be found.

The thought of having to answer to her was too much.

I said my piece to the VP. I told him how angry I was. I told him all the reasons I thought I should have at least been considered. I confessed to all the reasons I thought she was a terrible role model. I told him that I wouldn't answer to her and that I wouldn't be turning in any paperwork to her. I vented and listened to his lame response and then I had to walk away.

Because the only reason I've ever thought of leaving that school is because of her and this has just about put me over the edge.

Daily Thoughts

Daily Frustration: The other math teacher. I think I might have to report to her for a few things. Did I mention that I'm the senior teacher in both my grade levels?

Continual Oddity: The monstrous bugs around my home. I live in a city. Bugs should not be able to get that big. I left for work today and a ten-foot long praying mantis started walking around my windshield. That was freaky enough, but because I had left my window open, I couldn't stop wondering what bugs might be in my car. Everytime my hair moves, I freak out. This lovely guy was hanging out on my bedroom window a few weeks ago:


Umm, that second one is sideways, but you get the idea. He's huge!!!!

Nice Things: Wharf Dances- I'm going on a little reunion outing tonight with my two best junior high friends.

Website: Fun with words. Wordcount. It keeps track of word use.

Weekend Plans: Game day!!

Daily Thoughts

Um, someone is mowing the lawn.

It hasn't been mowed since I moved in so the noise surprised me.

At first I blamed it on the heat wave. Then the thunderstorms. Eventually, I looked around at the neighbors yards which also weren't mowed and figured everyone was going for the overgrown look.

I dtidn't take out my trash this week. Now I can actuallyt walk on a mowed lawn to do it. That's a good thing.

Now on to the regular stuff.

Daily Frustration: Just that I'm tired today.

Continual Oddity: Well, now that I can't focus on the overgrown lawn, I don't know what to say.

Nice thing: Everyone at work is coming in to the new school year with a positive attitude.

Website: In honor of the new school year, I invite you to explore big numbers.

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I still need to do homework.

Still, this was a very nice, relaxing, and happy weekend to end my summer break.

Happy Sunday!

Human Space Invaders

This video is neat.

Paralyzed

I have to write eight little essays applying theories to different aspects of my adolescence.

I've stayed home two days in a row to get this done.

I've read the list of topics a million times.

I even stuck my textbook next to the computer.

I told myself a long time ago that I'd do one a day and treat it like a blog post cuz it's pretty much the same idea.

I've done nothing.

I think the idea of revisiting adolescence just isn't that appealing.

sigh

Daily Thoughts

Daily Frustration: Why are there no more bathing suits at the store? People are still swimming and vacationing and stuff. Of course, I knew this would happen but I was still hoping.

Continual Oddity: No more cold. Now I'm burning up- and the weather is milder. This only happens in my house so it's not my health.

Nice Things: Friendly salespeople. I felt bad for not holding up my end of the conversation, but the salesguy was just so friendly and nice and competent (and cute, just in case you were wondering).

Website: Mimi Smartypants courtesy of Stacy especially this entry. I think I might be spending another day reading blogs.

Daily Thoughts

Daily Frustration: Blogfights. Yes, I let myself get sucked in. Yes, I spent my whole day being sucked in. No, I didn't start the paper I stayed home to write.

Continual Oddity: My sleepiness. I've been so tired this week. I'm sleeping, I swear.

Nice Things: Mmmmmmm, coffee.

Website: Overheard in New York. I may have linked it before, but it's addictive. When I wasn't reading blogs, I was reading this.

Weekend Plans: The contest has been postponed so I'm going dancing on Friday. A suprise has been planned for me Saturday (woo-hoo). I visit my daughter on Sunday.

Life is good.

A Letter to Myself

Dear Poor_Statue:

I know you are a worrywart. I know that the realization that work restarts next Monday is making you think of all the things you didn't accomplish this summer. I know there is unpacking to do and appointments to make and people to see and hobbies to pursue.

But before you continue on your current path of not enjoying anything because you are worrying too much, I need to remind you that:

• the boxes will still be there
• nothing in them is that important
• a month of missed magazines will not change your life
• your friends won't disappear on the first day of school
• your hobbies won't disappear either
• this has been one of your best summers ever
• relaxing is allowed
• it may even be good for you
• the grocery store is not going to disappear tonight
• vacation isn't over
• enjoying some company is still a good idea
• an hour less of responsibility time will not make a difference
• no one was ever harmed by living in the moment

So go out and laugh and love and live and enjoy the preciousness of these last few days of complete freedom. All the responsibilities will still be here next week.

Love,

Poor_Statue

Daily Thoughts

Daily Frustration: The lack of outlets in my apartment. All over the place you can find lamps and things not plugged in because there are no outlets. I think there's only one outlet in each room. Right now, I could go for some popcorn, but I have nowhere to plug in the microwave.

Continual Oddity: I'm sticking with the chilliness I feel in my apartment. It's hot out. I'm cold. Go figure.

Nice things: Having dinner made for me on Saturday plus some other unexpected niceness yesterday. Unexpected niceness is the best kind.

Website: Have some fun today. Read about computer ignorance. These stories are funny.

Weekend Plans: Karaoke contest. Visit with my daughter. Woo-hoo!

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School took up my weekend. I'm glad that class is over. That's all I can say.

Daily Thoughts

Daily Frustration: My printer is acting funny and I don't know if I need a new printer or just a new cartridge. Either way, I have to go to work to print anything for school and I'd really like to be able to print things at home.

Continual Oddity: I've been cold all week. Every day this week I've changed into long pants and a sweatshirt during the day. It can't really be that cold, can it? Either my apartment is the most amazing summer apartment ever or my body temp is out of whack.

Nice thing: Being on vacation. I'm appreciating it especially today. It's been a great summer.

Website: Prepare to be disgusted- I read this article today about the Girls Gone Wild guy. Creepy.

Weekend Plans: This is a school weekend so I'll be busy with that though I'll probably attempt to have fun tomorrow night. I hope this weekend is better than the last one. Right now I just feel tired.

L'Apartment

Yay! I actually got my pictures to upload!

My dining room/office (don't mind the table full of paperwork):



My living room:

The best room in the whole place is my giant, super-bright bedroom. I love it!

This is part of my dining room/office and had I posted it the other day when I wanted, I was going to use it to say that I even did some vacuuming:

It's tough to get decent pictures of my bathroom and kitchen because they are so small, bute here's the bathroom as it starts to look more like home:

And the best part, the view:

So that's my starting-to-feel-like-home post. I still need to get some stuff on the walls, but it's getting there.

A Relevant Joke

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern furiously pounding shots of whiskey.

His friend happens to come into the bar and sees him.

"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?"

Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."

He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.

"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"

The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles and then slurs, "Not anymore... He is!"

Daily Thoughts

Daily Frustration: Homework. The end.

Continual Oddity: Why can't I get through a drink without either choking on it or spilling it? You'd think I'd have mastered the art of drinking by now.

Nice thing: Haskell. He will probably never read this but today I'm appreciating his kind words, whatever the motive behind them.

Website: This Woman's Work - another adoption related website. She's had some really great posts lately.

Daily Thoughts

Daily Frustration: Bugs. Being in a house surrounded by trees means that I see all kinds of creepy crawlers. Now everytime my hair brushes against my skin, I think I have a bug on me.

Continual Oddity: The landlord. They call to pick up the rent. Supposedly it's due on the first, but this is the second month they've called well after the first. I so can't handle the lack of structure there.

Nice thing: Sweet text messages. I never thought I'd get into text messages but I look forward to them because they always make me smile.

Website: http://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/search/impact.cfm because I'm doing research on adoption and adolescents and this website was very helpful.

Daily Thoughts

I'm going to try to bring this back.

Daily Frustration: Homework. It's summer and I just can't seem to get motivated.

Continual Oddity: My inability to get my pictures on here. I got the cleaning ones and then I couldn't do anything else. Blogger would take a long time, then say that the pictures were done uploading, but when I looked there was nothing there.

Nice thing: Reconnecting. I've never really had female friends (or any friends for that matter) and this summer has been friend-filled. It feels so good.

Website: Snozberries. She's really funny.

Weekend Plans: School. I'm so stressed.

Happy Blog Birthday

I was trying to put some recent apartment pictures on here but I'm having trouble getting them to load. I had the same problem yesterday. Anyway, today is my blog birthday. I started blogging two years ago today. Yay blog!

If anyone has a fun birthday thing I can do with my blog, let me know.

Stuff I Accomplished

Friday night I had some help making my apartment start to feel like home. I had done laundry during the day so first I put away laundry. Then, I finally finished the job that Jay started and I cleaned the rest of the kitchen cabinets and drawers, put new contact paper down, and unpacked more dishes. I still hadn't cooked in my kitchen because it was dirty and I hadn't finished unpacking. So it was good to get some stuff done Friday night (and my apologies for putting cleaning over partying- I'm so exciting, huh?).

I was so happy about the kitchen that I couldn't wait to get more done. This weekend I finally concentrated on my apartment.

I started with the dishes from my my first meal on the stove (eggs, of course).



Next I moved on to the filthy kitchen floor. I washed and polished and finally set up a proper trash barrel instead of a random trash bag on the kitchen floor.


I made about seventeen thousand trips down the crazy hill in the backyard leading to the street where we bring trash. I got rid of all the empty boxes and the bags of trash. With the new space I finally traded this desk (that's where all the boxes were):



for a proper computer desk which I finally had put together. I can't show you the whole desk because it has a magnetic piece that I immediately filled with pictures, but it has a whole other half. I needed the proper work space to do my homework and now I can use the other desk for bill paying and letter writing and all those other things that I never had a proper space to get done on. No more leaning way over the coffee table while I write checks.

And while it may be no big deal to you, I'm rather enjoying all my accomplishments. I even vacuumed a bit.

Peace

Everytime I come home, I see this just before I get to my house:



It makes me smile every time. It's so peaceful.

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Another good weekend. My only problem is that I have a ton of homework I need to do.

I Wanna Be A Superhero

This'll be a quick one cuz my computer died when I wrote the long version.

The nedw show, So You Wanna Be A Superhero is really good, especially Victory Man. My friend and I were having fun mimicking him all week.

I was surprised to see that Stan Lee was hosting, but even more surprised to read a news article (I'll try to link it when I'm back at my own house) quoting him as saying he used to think the people who dressed up like comic book characters for conventions were crazy.

He said that the show made him realize that they're just normal people.

How can a comic character creator think the fans of his work are a bunch of weirdos?

A Joke

This joke made me laugh out loud:

I have CDO.

It's like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, only in alphabetical
order like it should be.

I think it hits close to home.

Blah

I feel blah today.

I'm a bit sad about everything- giving up so much history is hard.

I guess all the fun I've been having couldn't sustain me forever.