Convince Me: 06.06

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Today

At the last minute, I decided to hire movers. The only opening was today so in a few hours, they will be here.

I'll need to make another trip back this afternoon because I wasn't planning on today, but I think I'll be able to get everything. And so it will officially be over.

As of Sunday, it has been very hard to be here. The excitement of moving was eclipsed by the stress and so I had many restless nights. This is most of the reason I ended up calling movers. How much money is peace of mind worth? I've been saving up for this day since last summer. All my stinginess has been because I wanted every penny for today.

My first year here I couldn't leave. Things were bad right away, but I had more debt than money and my fiance wasn't working. I could barely keep up with the two of us. I never wanted to be in that place again- wanting to move with no money to do so.

And so I saved.

It is a good feeling to have a safety net at a time like this. My expenses will be going up. It's been several years since I lived alone. I think I'll be fine, but it's nice not to have to worry- to walk in with no debt and enough to take care of the unexpected costs of moving.

So the movers will come and when all of my things are in my new home, I will have to try not to kiss them. I think the relief will be that great.

Side note: I have no idea when I'll have internet access again. I'm sure it'll be soon, but I don't know when.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Just What I Needed

Today was extremely difficult. I'm still in rough shape.

So I decided to find a friend's myspace profile because I haven't been able to reach her by phone. She's a work friend and she recently mentioned that all the kids had found her on myspace. So I checked their pages for her.

And I found these (two different kids BTW):

We made the math geek shirts the last day of school. One of my kids made it her profile picture. Very cool.

Boxes

On June 8, I said yes to an apartment.

Sad, hopeful, trying.

One of the reasons I said yes was because I could start moving things in right away even though I don't officially move in until July 1.

I'm sick again so it has been difficult to do as much as I'd like. A couple of Tuesdays ago I had the school nurse take my temp (100.3) and then I drove my car full of boxes to the new place and tried not to pass out as I carried them up the stairs.

I've had some trouble getting boxes, but when I get a few I fill them, fill my car, and head out.

The packing is haphazard- whatever will fit, no labels- the boxes get filled, carried down one set of stairs, driven 20 miles or so, and then carried up a new set of stairs and left in a room somewhere.

I haven't worried about breakables. It has been a mostly solo venture. If I worry about a box, I simply carry it gently when I get to the other end.

My body isn't used to the lifting and this added to the sickness means that one moving trip leaves my exhausted. Still, it is satisfying. I get the regular high of a sweaty workout and the added joy of taking control of my life- doing something I know is good for me.

Yes, I'll be solo again so the solo moving is a fitting beginning. A new start. A chance to be stronger, healthier, and alone, finally. I look forward to the chance to do all the things I love- to dance around the living room- to eat eggs for dinner- to clean up only after myself- to answer to absolutely no one.

I want to focus on my job, on grad school, on long-neglected hobbies. I want to be able to hear the phone ring without worrying, to go out singing until 2AM without feeling guilty, to stay at work an extra hour without getting an angry phone call. I want to take up the entire bed- to sleep diagonal if I want- to curl up with all the covers- to keep my socks on without being questioned. I want to be able to have people over.

With each box I feel more free. I feel hopeful. With every piece I carry into my new home, I feel a little bit more like myself. And I can smile again.